Strange Times

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We’re living in strange times. It’s Thursday today if anyones curious I discovered this earlier, I lost a day, somehow it isn’t Wednesday. Isn’t it great when we realise how little the structure of the week matters and how it isn’t actually real. Once Sunday needed to exist so we could all go to church and pretend we liked God, or use Sunday to rest from the drudgery of our failed work life balance. If God can rest then so can you. Then it appeared God developed a drinking habit because we all started needing it for enduring hangovers.

Some disgusting and healthy members of society of course love posing for photos with their dogs on hills but thankfully these freaks seem to keep to themselves whenever possible. Especially now the Police drones are after them, not to mention those machines they use to film them from the air. Now well, who knows, currently Sunday doesn’t really exist unless we take Don’t Call The Midwife or Dr Who seriously and I have no idea whether they’re even on anymore. I doubt anyone does now that we have tigers and murderers online. These days it’s anything and everything whenever we feel in the mood, porn at the drop of a hat.

And no football of course. Clubs, organisations and fans all trying to juggle the moral dilemma of how they can get the entertainment they want even though it will be like a shit training match in an empty stadium. One which must be shown as nobody wants to repay the billion pounds the sports channels pay to prop up the footballers lifestyles. Don’t forget social distancing. Two metres at all times. Gives a new meaning to contact sport.

Seventy-one year Prince Charles has recovered in a few days from his bout of the virus. It appears that while healthy twenty year old are keeling over, the old reptilian blood is still pumping. If madness, syphilis and inbreeding doesn’t take them down, you bet a little cough won’t even register. Doesn’t say much for his relationship with his wife Camilla though if she didn’t test positive. That or it doesn’t say much for this virus. I still fully admit to being completely confused by everything that is going on.

I have a healthy instinct to not trust the actions of my government or the bellowing of the media but people are dying. I don’t know how old they are because unless you’re young they don’t seem to report or give any kind of average age. For perspective people are still dying more from alcohol related illnesses each day but they insist the bottle shops are ‘essential’ and even more again are dying from smoking related illnesses but this is still highly legal. Let’s not even start on suicides, and don’t even dare mention the probable increase in suicides when people realise they have no future now that their businesses won’t stay open and they can’t feed their kids on £94 per week let alone pay off their toilet roll debts. But then the figures would be much worse if we didn’t have a lockdown and it has most likely stemmed the spread of the virus to a degree. I just don’t know anything. Everything is unknown right now. What an interesting moment in our evolutionary existence.

It is good to see the government admit after ten years of saying cuts are the only solution to saving the economy and society that no actually spending billions we don’t have apparently is instead. And don’t forget to clap your local nurse who you actively voted against by voting in this shower of incompetent, corrupt and dithering shite last December. Yes you fuckwit, you’re a hypocrite and you’re stupid. But anyway as I said strange times.

Own It!!

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I’m having one of those ‘Own it!!‘ days. It began when I was feeling a little lazy earlier while ‘working’ and decided to put a podcast on in the background. I wasn’t in the mood to learn anything so dismissed the more intellectual ones I like to impress people with and listened to Joe Rogan instead. His guest was comedian Bert Kreischer who I discovered recently on another podcast and who seems like the kind of guy who would deeply offend certain people. In that case as far as I’m concerned he is doing the job a stand-up comedian should be doing; using humour to highlight our worst tendencies and hypocrisies. Joe Rogan’s podcast is generally a hit although he gets it wrong sometimes, but there are some like this one in which you feel as if you’re just hanging out with two mates smoking, drinking and talking shit. While some may dismiss that kind of behaviour I feel they miss the point that people need that. They need to talk shit and not care. Sometimes Joe Rogan can start talking about exercise and health and you know the man lives what he’s saying, there’s an intensity to it that dare I say is inspiring.

For anyone who has read any of these on a regular basis they will be aware of how a couple of months ago I had an own it!! moment after an energising salt water cleanse. It’s a powerful one and it makes you realise how much a healthy gut can have an effect upon your mood and your energy levels. I slowly slipped back into my old unhealthy ways and am now back relying on coffee for energy and pastries for a easy lunch. Needless to say I’m groggy and lethargic most of the time but importantly having not always been groggy and lethargic I am aware of there being other states of existence. Much of this is mental, the drive to achieve and the energy to make it happen comes from the mind in many ways but if the gut is a second brain then we can’t overlook it’s contribution too. I’ve just started reading the book Gut by Giulia Enders again and seeing as I’ve just got over my readers block I’m pretty confident I’ll make it beyond page twenty this time.

Nobody should go through life lethargic and groggy, and if one thing is clear as the world falls apart around us is that life is finite, why waste it killing time. I’m going to finish this bag of coffee I’ve got, transition back to green tea and cut out the bloody sugar which I’m surrounded by from working in a bakery and being weak. How long this will last is anyones guess but considering this daily blog has lasted about four months now I’m clearly capable of the previously impossible with a little effort. I’m probably going to do some yoga, some calisthenics and go for a run after this. I’ve got to do something with my time, might as well own what I say.

BR#2 – One Day In The Life Of Ivan Denisovich

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There’s nothing quite like a bit of suffering to inspire you to dig out some Russian novel you’ve been meaning to read for a bit that is grim enough to put your self-indulgence into perspective. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn spent eight years in Soviet Gulags – labour camps – from 1945 to 1953 and this undoubtable inspired his story of just one day in them for the fictional character Ivan Denisovich (Shukhov). Released in 1962, the final decision being made by Soviet leader at the time Nikita Khrushchev himself, during a period of de-Stalinisation, the story was an instant success. Khrushchev was said to have been particularly impressed with the accurate detail Solzhenitsyn went into in the story as it described life in the Gulags to the minute detail.

While the story was censored in parts, it still tells in vivid detail the relative highs and lows of the main character throughout his day. Like much Russian literature Solzhenitsyn goes deep in the psychology of the main character, in this case having lived it for eight years it’s easy to imagine where he got his inspiration from and that it is most likely autobiographical in nature. The moments of elation over little things like an extra hundred grammes of bread, or the small but subtle tricks he uses for his survival, as well as the luck involved along the way. Make no mistake Shukhov is a survivor and he understands the inner workings of those who will make it out and those with the wrong approach to camp life or their unenviable term of twenty-five years who won’t. It is a fascinating insights into a depth we would otherwise be unable to see or comprehend.

Despite the hardship it feels in it’s own way like a positive story. While camp life was described as brutal and unfair through various moments or characters, it is easy to see how it would be able to pass the censors. There was for example never really a criticism directly of communism or Soviet Russia, indirectly yes but you were never left with the impression it was an outright criticism in itself. Equally Shukhov is happy to work hard and stay a little longer to finish his work, although others attempt to skive off whenever possible, Shukhov adopts a sort of tough Soviet hero of sorts. He’s a survivor. I imagine anything being overly critical would have been cut out and what was allowed in would have been allowed in the form accepted by the censors. Considering it was freely released at home and abroad, how we perceive it; would be how it was allowed to be be perceived.

Ultimately he gives an incredible insight into the inner workings of a world hidden behind the iron curtain within the Iron Curtain. While it may not shock modern readers who know many of these truths it must have created a sensation upon it’s realise at the time, as much for the fact these truths were allowed to be written. What makes the book work though is that while a lot happens, it is very easy to say very little happens too, and it is this authenticity that allows a simple day in the life of a prisoner to be a success. Throw in all the details, physical and mental, and you are left with a fascinating read.

To The Ramparts Lads

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This virus has seemingly thrown everything that we know in a blender and regurgitated nothing but confusion. People have seen what was once sure to them destroyed, panicked and hidden away in fortress’ made of toilet roll. I just read that as a result of an expected lack of applicants universities will be sharing out places equally amongst themselves for next year. Obviously the best will still get the best and so on but importantly none will be left behind and risk closure. This reminded me of a theme that seems to be spreading about how in times of crisis our nation states and governments who once firmly espoused and embraced free market capitalist economics are finding themselves surviving this pandemic not through the free market but through embracing more socialist methodologies. This first arose with governments protecting the wages of people forced to down tools with the help of this mythological eighty percent everyone is talking about but has never seen. The usual ignorant trope about who is going to pay for all the generosity is in normal circumstances bullshit but unfortunately here it becomes relevant; if nobody is working at all eventually the money and produce will run dry. I don’t class this generosity as socialism though, it may be a social support to the people but could equally be seen as a short term injection into the economy so as to protect it in it’s current form.

Regardless clearly free market economics doesn’t work when the perfect circumstances for it are not in place. The moment this happens people start to rely on the state and the state starts to tighten regulations and legislations. If the free market we are led to believe as the only possible existence clearly only works in certain exact circumstances, and even then clearly not for everybody and at the expense of many, then perhaps we’re currently living in the wrong circumstances. Perhaps we should be looking at a more robust economic system that can withstand crisis and not rely on – cough cough – handouts. Some would argue that another system would not work in these societies we’ve created but if we’ve created these societies we can create others. These may support other economic models and not free market economics. Free market capitalism would not be viable just as more equal economic models apparently aren’t now. It all depends upon the prism you view it through and the foundations you rely upon. All that is clear though is that the very economic model that usually vilifies handouts requires them when the perfect conditions for it’s existence are not met. Perhaps it’s time to stop relying on something so flimsy for something so important. If a new society needs to be created, well then, a new society it is.

The Pudding & The Icelandic Spring

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I tried cutting up a big frozen roll of black pudding (blood sausage) this morning with a bread knife. It didn’t work. I tried other knives. They too didn’t work. I even tried a small hacksaw for cutting metal but because it was too fine it’s also didn’t work. Eventually I gave in and got my handsaw that is usually reserved for planks of wood. This virus is a trying time for all of us, our worlds have been turned upside down and we’re having to approach the world in ways we wouldn’t have even contemplated in the past. I’ll be honest I probably wouldn’t have bought a foot long fat black pudding in the past even though I love the stuff and the French version is partly responsible for me not being a vegan anymore, but I did. This series of new and trying circumstances led me to that moment when I found myself in my kitchen this morning sawing congealed pigs blood and dropping blood and fat on the floor like some kind of gruesome sawdust. It was ridiculous and disgusting, also quite amusing and with blue cheese really tasty in a croissant. I just discovered it is apparently a superfood. This lockdown is great for people. They have to experience their more creative sides and whatever bizarre parts of them that rise to the surface as a result. You can’t escape yourself if it’s all you’ve got.

In other more serious news, I just read a report from Iceland that only has 218 reported cases of the virus. Iceland apparently is a very interesting case for giving a better idea of the spread of the virus as apparently they have been testing large swathes of their population. With a population of less than four hundred thousand this is seemingly quite straightforward. What they discovered was that half of those who had tested positive had absolutely no symptoms of the virus at all and that there are at least forty mutations of the virus in Iceland itself. What is important about this is that it means we could and probably are far more likely to be spreading the virus as many more of us who have it are completely unaware. It does show the importance then of social distancing to protect those more vulnerable. It also though highlights the fact this virus is far less dangerous than we are being led to believe and that the death rate will be far lower than previously thought. The fact we even have a death rate for something that hardly anyone is being tested for in the first place is completely ridiculous of course. Also if there are at least forty different mutations the report suggests we may see the virus develop into a more contagious but less dangerous mutation. It would explain why some people are barely showing symptoms while some fit, young and healthy people are unable to survive.

Coronavirus Shopping News

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Go on, admit it, who panicked back there for a little? Buy too much toilet roll did you? How about all those bags of porridge oats you heard were nutritious and would last a long time? What on earth are you going to do with all those tins of kidney beans, you don’t even like kidney beans. How did that baking bread mission go, bored of the effort yet? It’s great being able to take the moral high ground and call people out for being pricks.

I saw something online earlier that some councillor in Derby had posted showing bins full of food people had dumped because they had bought too much and it had good bad. Loaves of bread, chicken, vegetables, that type of thing. There was what appeared to be a carefully placed bunch of bananas at the top of one pile though yet the bananas looked fresh, not a speck of aged brown on them, eerily similar to the standard I bought earlier today actually. The skeptical monster in me went into overdrive, my bullshitometre when wild with excitement as I realised the whole thing stunk of set up. The game given away by someone trying just too hard to make the food waste look unjustifiable. I don’t care what you say, nobody throws away a fresh bunch of bananas.

I must confess that in all the panic I did buy two things in bulk, three actually if you count that I now have two kilos of peanut butter and one of cashew nut butter. I must stress though that I eat that stuff normally, and found it strange that in all the panic with empty shelves everywhere, there were loads of tubs of inexpensive pure peanut butters which are a great source of protein and fats. How many times, you can’t live off toilet roll and tinned tomatoes. Actually four things if you count the three tins of sardines I bought thinking it was mackerel, three tins which might find themselves donated to a food bank it’s worth adding.

I bought about three months supply of multivitamins, vitamin c and probiotics just incase it does all go tits up and I’m living on stale bread and water for a bit, also to keep me healthy with virus’ going around of course. I bought thirty kilograms of dog food for my little darling too. People didn’t seem to mention pets in all of this chaos but what happens if the food supply dries up and we run out of pet food, do we start giving them people food when we’re hungry ourselves? Well to avoid that conundrum I now have a back up of three to four months worth of food for her. I may not have rushed out for myself but at least my dog won’t go hungry. It’s amazing the lengths we’ll go to when we find someone or something to love.

But the madness seems to have calmed. The shelves are full and now people only look suspiciously at each other looking for signs of potential illness. I saw a great moment in the queue for the check out though when a woman reminded the couple behind her that they should be keeping a distance of two metres. The man just suggested she simply move forward to create it oblivious to the fact that she would then be less than the two metres from whoever was in front of her. People are a constant source of entertainment. I bet she got about two days worth of excitement from retelling that story.

19 Covid’s Of Hell For PM BJ Bojo Johnson

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Big news today, our glorious leader has gone and got a dose…of coronavirus silly, what did you think I was talking about. In a vain effort to be a man of the people, British Prime Minister Boris ‘Bojo’ Johnson has caught a cold. All is well though because he’s still running the country from Downing Street but now in his underpants via video link. The Prime Minister, or BJ as he’s known to his friends, is said to be in a fine mood as he believes this will finally convince the voters he’s willing to suffer with them no matter what and that his private chef has even begun cooking traditional peoples food like mushy peas and Fray Bentos pies just to lend an air of authenticity to proceedings. He is said to be really looking forward to microwave curry Wednesdays after his old friend Tim Martin donated leftover food to the coronavirus cause. He has drawn the line though at the bottle of Jacob’s Creek on offer even if it is part of a meal deal. He is said to be disappointed that his Supreme Overlord Dominic Cummings doesn’t have DNA capable of catching human virus’ as they could have had a “jolly good sleepover together”. His loyal and trusted colleague Micheal Gove has taken over media duties and promised to do all in his power to protect BJ’s legacy in the meantime.

So that’s the news, wow what a day. Is it time to start preparing for the military to take over once the politicians start dropping? Apparently Dominic Raab is supposed to be the one putting on the dour serious face if BJ becomes incapacitated. We’ll call him the interim Prime Minister before General Stickup His-Arse steps in to maintain public order. Apparently the sports stadiums are empty at the moment which should be handy. Let’s see how many people need their daily dog walk then. We won’t even need to report on our neighbours for that second run they took either. Isn’t it Great being British, such a wonderful people. Spirit of the Blitz don’t you know. We’ll show those Europeans how we deal with virus’, won’t be any red tape on our procedures, can’t break the law if there aren’t any. Thank god for the NHS though. These nurses putting their lives at risk is the kind of dedication that will easily add a few hundred million extra quid when we’re sitting around the negotiation table with the Americans. If there are any left though, they seem to be out Briting the Brits with their virus response. Always bigger and brasher than everyone else. Pricks.

Creativity Takes Root

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I’m really enjoying all the creativity people are coming up with while in isolation. I just watched the most remarkable video of a man in a leotard dancing in his garden. Without the virus that moment would never have happened. I was tagged in a live music show this evening, which I only discovered afterwards unfortunately but enjoyed listening to it after the event. Another friend shared her sisters morning fitness class as she is a personal trainer which will give people some much needed exercise and hopefully some new habits. People have already started to put works of art up.

It is early days and people may still be in the excitable fun stage of isolating but for now they seem to be doing all the right things. In time lets see how it goes as they start to suffer from seclusion but the videos coming out of Italy show that even after weeks and an horrendous situation they are still on their balconies singing. There was a video of someone playing Bella Ciao with a saxophone from their balcony which raised a smile. People are worried, scared, bored and in some cases alone but they have found the drive to produce, to share, to inspire.

There is something about being human that shows how well we can adapt to circumstances when we need to. We may be a bunch of soft snowflakes and tough right wingers who both seem to take offence in equal measure but when it comes down to it we seem capable of getting on and surviving when we have to. It is early days potentially and we’re expecting another couple of months of this, fatalistically just waiting…maybe I’ll write about that tomorrow though…but even with that hanging over our heads we find the spirit just to carry on. People shouldn’t be out and about of course but it’s amazing that those who are seem to be smiling and laughing with each other. The initial shock has passed and we’re just getting on with it.

If it’s possible to remain objective within all of this then it would be incredible just to sit and observe how people’s mood as a collective has changed and evolved until now and will do over these next few months. But I’m not objective let’s be honest, I am viewing this through my very own eyes mixed with and confused by a certain combination of fear, bravery, bravado and ignorance that keeps me getting out of bed in the morning and through the day; being happy when I’m happy and sad when I’m sad. Crisis brings people together but it also reminds us while we may have our differences, our base instinct, feelings and emotions are all pretty similar. Carry on people, stay indoors if you can and keep on performing. Keep us all sane and keep us smiling.

Relax…All Will Be Fine

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As someone who has spent time abroad and socialised with people who do not either serve food or run hotels, it has long been brought to my attention that the British people have somewhat of a reputation for consuming large quantities of alcohol. While I don’t deny others countries do drink large amounts too, or at least the fun ones do, we, along with the Irish come to think of it, are renowned for being the drunks of Europe. This then seems to have been confirmed with the latest news relating to the lockdown we’re facing in the UK.

There has been much debate about what exactly should be classed as an essential service and it’s one of those issues that nearly every wannabe expert has an opinion on. Construction sites for example have been a highly controversial issue because while they can’t ban construction that relates to potential virus related work, the guy building the patio next door could probably not be classed as essential and immediately necessary. It would be nice to sit out in the sun with a nice gin and tonic while isolating though come to think of it, so that’s a toughie. We have though taken it to a level that only the comics writing this black comedy could have dreamt of. As the country battles a world wide pandemic; Off Licences of all things have been deemed as being of the utmost importance and essential to the smooth running of the country. For those from countries that use other names an off licence is what we call our bottle shops / liquor shops / alcohol shops. Yes they serve but one purpose.

It is important in times like this to be honest and admit there is something absurd about this that makes me proud. Cultures need something that sets them apart from each other; the Italians talk incessantly, the Greeks argue for pleasure and the French are arseholes, but that is there thing, that is their national identity they take it out into the world. As the south of Spain can attest we export drunks and even in times of crisis we are sticking to this national identity. It makes me proud we’re being true to ourselves. How are we supposed to suffer through at least three weeks of isolation? Stuck inside homes with partners we hate and kids we have to love? So much energy has been put into avoiding our families and we find ourselves forced into their company. Without the ability to keep a steady level of intoxication it may be worth going out in public and catching the virus just to get some space. The British people can not be told to do something, the inner child comes out and they insist on the opposite even if they don’t really want it. All those poor soles who were forced to leave the cities and endure serene villages and countryside over the weekend simply because they had been told to stay indoors. At least give to poor bastards alcohol. Just imagine the damage a sober populace could do, I’m so relieved they saw sense.

To Stroll For Strolling's Sake

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I read an article this morning about walking. It was reasonably interesting and revolved around some of the greatest minds of the past two hundred years being avid walkers. Henry David Thoreau, William Wordsworth, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Walt Whitman, Friedrich Nietzsche, Virginia Woolf, Arthur Rimbaud and Mahatma Gandhi apparently all loved a good walk and it wasn’t suggested that their achievements were down to their ability to walk but did suggest there was a link between their understanding of being able to put down the pen and getting the blood flowing with a stroll. This is by no means a new revelation, anyone who has sat in front of a screen or studied for too long has felt heavy, groggy and the necessity of movement to make them feel alive again. The point the article attempted to make was that in this day and age in which there needs to be a purpose behind everything we do; we have simply forgotten the art of simply existing. There is something cleansing about simply being in a moment of purposeless purpose that we cannot get when we’re walking from A to B to either count the steps it’s taken us to get there or because any other method of movement is not possible. The relation to Sisyphus in our effort to get to B before discovering we almost immediately need to get on to C and then D afterwards.

However it does neglect to mention that these great minds most likely understood the benefit of taking time for a stroll for their minds and the furthering of ideas they had perhaps started to stagnate on. To imagine while walking they weren’t thinking through various angles to problems is to misunderstand the mind. In that case it is quite easy to suggest they were never strolling for the sake of it existence in that moment because there was a purpose behind it, even if that was just to clear their mind there was purpose. We may live in an age were everything needs a purpose that can be monetised, and while that is soon to be found out as flawed over the next few months, that doesn’t mean people simply existed previously. Perhaps we just don’t know how to relate to the workings of their alien thought process and minds.

Saying all of that though it is entirely acceptable to suggest we could do with a little more strolling in life. To experience life for the sake of mere existence. How that can relate to people being stuck inside their homes in quarantine I’m unsure but I suspect there may just be a new age of appreciation for the simple art of walking as people find satisfaction once more in the stroll. Any excuse for getting out of the house and absorbing a bit of vitamin D. Don’t forget the two metres of course.