The sun came out today and it was magnificent. Actually the sun has been out for about a month but it was also a massive fifteen degrees which makes it almost feel like you’re somewhere exotic. Having spent years chasing the sun a younger version of me would have scoffed at my excitement but a younger version of me hadn’t just spent the whole winter in this bizarre, dark and wet land. This undoubtedly plays it’s part and can be compared to that time when I lived in Ibiza and it rained for the first time in six months. I felt unadulterated joy and happiness, similar I imagine to a farmer in the Sudan. Actually a little less because I wasn’t starving, in the poorest country in Africa and relying on that rain to survive so it literally wasn’t the same, but I can say with certainty it was somewhere between there and how I would feel if it started raining now.
The moment I realised I was experiencing a form of happiness was then I was sitting in my car, the fifteen degrees needed a little boost. I could feel the sun shining on my arm and after a while I could feel the heat building, I was cooking a little and I felt the vitamin D coursing through my body. It was the strangest sensation but I could feel the joy emanating from that spot. It was at this moment that I realised I was less content about being here and not somewhere warm than I suggested about a week ago. Don’t get me wrong nothing has fundamentally changed but I definitely started craving just hanging out of the beach, drinking some beer, eating some food, napping, the typical things people do. It was at this point I started imagining I could happily visit Costa Rica of all places. I have heard talk of it previously so this wasn’t entirely out of the blue but it was definitely a nice little fantasy that managed to take me away from the present for a bit. Interestingly enough it was when the sun came out that I wanted to leave and not throughout the whole of the winter. Our minds are confusing little pests sometimes.
I wonder what summer is going to be like here. I’m in a little touristy area beside the beach and arguably it’s what I’m after just not quite the foreign version I’m used to. My friend was horrified I was drinking beer on the beach the other day as apparently it’s illegal. I suggested he need to sort his life out. He said the same to me. Costa Rica it is not but when I imagine people stuck in blocks of flats in big cities right now I realise once again how bloody lucky I am and how in truth I don’t long for anything other than what I’ve managed to find myself. I forget to see what surrounds me sometimes. We all do. I don’t beat myself up over it, it’s just good to remember and notice sometimes. South Sudan it is not. In fact, arguably it is somewhere between there and well, anywhere. At least it’s somewhere.
Observations and Misunderstandings 