Tag: virus

5k Challenge

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I may have just done something stupid. This whole doing exercise outside while it’s sunny thing has taken a hold of me and I agreed to go on a 5k run. Five thousand metres. Not something to be scoffed at. I managed three thousand last week but my knee started hurting at the end so I’m fearing the same may happen today. This time I suspect my rather unsympathetic friend may not pander to my excuses and the abuse will flow. While this is nothing new I am exposing myself enough that something is making me feel wary at the prospect of what’s to come.

But this is all part of this new healthy and energised human being I’m attempting to create. I am in my mid-30s now which is the usual time people have breakdowns and decide it’s time to exercise. And I thought I was unique. I even had a dream last night about eating too many of these pizzas we’re making and getting fat. It wasn’t exactly deep in the subconscious but that’s a fear I can’t deny to myself any longer. My belly was so fat, I can’t possible think how many pizzas I had been eating.

How much of this then is me being vain? I won’t deny there was an aesthetic element involved in the horror I felt at the enormity of my gut but I’m sure I had convinced myself previously it was all health related. The subconscious never lies though. Saying that we do start to become more aware of the aches and pains that once either didn’t exist or only existed for a short period. Now they feel like they never go away. The desire for life must be so strong in people who reach serious old age. My god everything must just hurt endlessly.

I’m supposed to be running in about half and hour and I feel so full of sandwich and the cup of tea I’m currently drinking. I’m going to do a little yoga as a warm up of sorts and crack on. I’ll report back when it’s all over.

Huh huh…huh huh…huh huh…collapse…

I was actually leading the way until about the three kilometre mark at which point I saw a waypoint in the distance and my body started to assume it was time to walk. I thought I felt a little wretch at four kilometres and by then my friend had caught up with me although saying that he had only been about five metres behind the whole time and I know that because I could hear him suffering too. We parted at the four kilometre mark and I struggled my way back and dragged myself over the finish line. It really was a battle of the mind. Having completed a few Vipassana courses in my time I can confirm the relation to meditation is an accurate one. My knees held strong though which was reassuring too. In short though; can taste blood. Tight muscles. Light head. Fucked.

The Pickaxe Of Liberty

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Go on admit it you’re all desperate for a holiday. But then maybe you feel like you’re having one already. As I am still working I’m very envious of everybody sitting around, reading, studying and exercising. There is every chance I’m simply envious of the idea that this is what people are doing because while everyone may be taking photos of themselves doing these things, or videos of themselves being creative and inspiring, there’s also a good chance they’re currently lying on the sofa watching something on Netflix about tigers. Sorry that was two weeks ago, I’m so behind the times I wonder what the current obsession is. Are people getting bored though. Are those still sober dreaming of going back to their jobs because they’ve realised they’re not carpenters, painters or musicians and that actually they don’t really enjoy reading books as much as they thought and told everyone they would. I’ve admitted already I’m envious but I am also aware that I have spent large chunks of my life travelling and doing all these fun things but in random places. I’m well practised at not getting bored. Having spent time in the countryside I’m also well practised at not seeing people for a couple of weeks. So I’m envious but also aware that I’ve experienced a few lockdowns already in my life.

It is though arguably a social experiment that will define this period of history. I’m not trying to trivialise this very serious situation but that doesn’t make it anything other than a future treasure trove of theories for researchers. I’m not a researcher, but I enjoy observing, and I’m already really looking forward to seeing what conclusions the researchers come to. I’m not an optimist in the traditional sense, I’m no Pangloss and this is certainly not the best of all possible worlds. I don’t believe in the idea of being constantly positive and happy because it is balance we need in life. However, there is always a possibility to find something positive in any situation no matter how bad, and while it doesn’t have to outweigh the bad, there is no reason for us not to enjoy and embrace it’s existence. Who knows maybe we will even use it as a pickaxe to help us climb out of our hole. For this reason we will find something to celebrate in all of everything that is going on. Researchers will discover some terrible results, the media will fill us with dread and fear, while politicians will continue to chip away at the last scraps of our self-determination. They will also discover incredibly positive results, there will be happy stories told and, actually maybe I’m pushing it a little far by including the latter group.

In a way though none of this will mean anything, not really. We may enjoy discovering these moments of positivity but unless they exist in our immediate realm they’re more than likely to just pass on through. What will leave us with any lasting sense of light though will be what we can see in our own lives, in our immediate situations. What little events are happening right now that could snowball into something resembling that pickaxe. What are we experiencing that if we manage to step back from for a second we can recognise as bringing some kind of benefit to our lives. As I said it doesn’t have to outweigh the other stuff going on, but even if it is just one percent of everything going on in your life it is infinitely more important than the other ninety-nine. It’s there. It’s always there if you manage to look.

The Countryside In Quarantine

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Another beautiful sunny day outside. How much I would have enjoyed spending Easter up north in Scotland somewhere. Whenever anyone has every asked me about the homeland I’ve always suggested April, May too but it usually rains more in May. It seems so trivial to be desiring nature and complaining about being deprived of it when people are dying. Don’t get me wrong I’m not about to suggest we should all start embracing nature and rural communities. I am originally from a rural community and I’m aware these people are not overly keen on city folk at the best of times let alone when they’re bringing virus’ with them. One of my childhood neighbours is currently bang in the middle of lambing season, well actually more towards the end probably, but just imagine one of them had caught it. Who knows what they would have done. That lamb chop has to come from somewhere. The other issues if a lack of local GPs and the only real hospital in the area is over half an hour away from my parents and while it’s a decent size it wouldn’t be capable of dealing with a local epidemic. I’m never one for pandering to official advice and while I have no real issue with people sitting in the park, I do with them moving around the country spreading this virus.

On the other hand I was looking at the local Facebook group for the village I’m in currently and someone had posted a photo of a camper van complaining about people coming to visit. It’s a tricky one here because this little village by the sea would be nothing without tourism which many people seem to have forgotten in their outrage. There were a few outraged comments before someone finally popped up and informed everyone it was a local guy who lived three doors down from him. It’s always a wonderful moment when outrage gets put back in it’s place. The post was deleted but subsequently replaced by a post replete with photos, complaining about dog poo in the park. So city folk, we clearly have enough to deal with already in these places. Perish the thought if Doris had stood in that, think of the outrage.

There was another post which drew my attention though and it was a meme for how the government was paying you to sit in your garden, drink beer and have a nice time, or something along those lines. So with all this talk complaining about people going into nature, it is important to raise awareness of all those without gardens, or fields, or front drives, or anywhere they can go outside without being accosted by some angry do gooder or some policeman with ticket book in hand. Can you imagine being stuck on the twelfth floor of a tower block, or in a one bedroom apartment, or in a flat share with flatmates you don’t like, or even in an abusive relationship. Nothing is ever black and white, lockdown is not the same for everyone and this virus is not the great leveller is has been described as. So share a thought for these people when you criticise others getting a little sunshine in the park or going for a walk. Just don’t walk too far into the countryside is all.

Lockdown Pizzas

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Drum roll please…now is the time to reveal what it was that got me all worked up the other day. Edge of your seat stuff I’m sure, it would be a surprise had you not already read the title. Yes myself and a couple of friends are selling takeaway pizzas. Let’s be honest there’s nothing like a good crisis to make a little cash. They own a bakery and as they’re still open delivering bread we thought we may as well make a few pizzas as a side project and see how it goes. It’s great though because they already understand bread so we have a really nice thin sourdough base and they have proper stone ovens so they’re stonebaked too. Genuinely they’re really nice. I’m the creative director / pizzas artist. There are no takeaways open at all in the area and people seem reasonably enthused by the prospect of being able to alleviate the tedium of this current social experiment with the idea of comfort food. On top of that we will use some of the money we manage to raise and either donate it to the NHS or if there are any local families who have been affected by the virus it would be a good thing to try and help them if possible, even just a weeks food shop. Like everything it’s a lets see how it evolves thing as clearly all is currently unknown.

But yes there was the stress. I was in a terrible fettle on Wednesday. The realisation of what we were doing all came to me at once and the intensity of the energy was just too much. I can’t remember exactly what I said in the piece on Wednesday but I think towards the end I said something about channeling the energy and even if I didn’t I have had the most remarkable two days since. Whenever I found the energy building up I detached myself from it for long enough to stop it being overwhelming, but more importantly I consciously managed to use it to focus on whatever task I needed to do. This means I have been running around like a mad man for two days but have done it in a focused controlled way which was an interesting experience for such an idle man ordinarily.

Today was ridiculous, first we found out the pizza boxes weren’t going to arrive which would make selling pizzas pretty difficult. The show must go on though so we can up with some solutions but in the end managed to buy some off a man in a van in a layby and then it turned out the vegetable order hadn’t gone through so we weren’t going to have any veggies or cheese for the pizzas. We managed to behave like toilet roll fanatics in the local co-op and emptied shelves. Ultimately both these situations would have destroyed me on Wednesday but today I managed to use the power they created for focus and drive. What a feeling. Maybe this is what people do.

Anyway I’m exhausted and I’ve got to be up in the early hours again to deliver bread tomorrow. It is simply non-stop at the moment. So as the show must go on, it may be wise to draw the curtain on this piece for today. Need to conserve my energy for another evening of pizza making after all.

A Delivery Of Bread, Harmony and Brexit

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Today began with an interesting morning of delivering bread. I went along this morning with one of the delivery drivers so I could learn his route in case he ever needs some one to cover him. This driver is an interesting man. Certainly at three o’clock in the morning he was far more chatty than I expected but after I while I managed to warm up and discover the ability to hold conversation. We chatted about a few things but at one point after I told him I had lived in Greece for a few years he asked me what the situation with the immigrants is. Now this kind of question can go one of two ways and it comes from a basis usually of “poor refugees” or “economic migrants we may have to be wary of”. I have found myself in this situation enough times to recognise this and give a general answer about how conditions are terrible there and now I can warn of the dangers of this virus in the camps. If he is inclined to be on the economic migrant side of the debate he doesn’t really get a window into the conversation from that angle and I’m careful not to go full refugee’s need rescuing and help coming to Britain because it opens up the possibilities of pointless arguments I cannot be bothered with.

Inevitably the conversation one way or another led onto politics and down the rabbit hole of nostalgia that Brexit has become. He was confident enough of his beliefs to admit to disliking faceless bureaucrats and being pro-Brexit. I suggested it wasn’t as straightforward as that because unfortunately we have plenty of faceless bureaucrats in the UK, we will soon be the United States’ little bitch and I enjoy living and working in foreign countries. The conversation very quickly got to the point we’ve all recognised before where the next step is basically you saying “No you’re wrong” and him saying “No actually you’re wrong”. For anyone who had one, a Brexit discussion reaches a very quick climax of that exact sort without fail. And you know what, there was something about that moment which I realised I missed.

The chap I was having this debate with was the archetypal northern mid-50s working man, he was even called Dave. That is no word of a lie. I like him he’s a good man and I really enjoyed this conversation about a topic which we’ve all forgotten took over our lives six months ago before we moved onto the killer virus. It was painfully evident that despite society having an enormous hug we’ve still got a long way to go to build bridges and men like Dave are still as determined about their understanding of societies ills as snowflake millennials like me of their opposite.

I still can’t get over how much of the perfect box he fit in and genuinely I’m not saying that as a criticism. I think we all forget in our determination to be right and force our version of right on others that we may just be wrong. It is only in understanding that and that men like Dave are not the enemy but very much on the same team as us that we may actually remove those who have pillaged and offered such little genuine hope to people. Dave hasn’t created this shit show, neither have I although we both continue to allow it’s existence as we wag fingers at each other while having our pockets picked. We talk of this virus bringing us together as a society but if we don’t get over any of the other bullshit we’ll just as quickly become divided down old lines once more. It’ll take us all. If not the old order will have won once again.

The Comfort Blanket Of Conspiracy

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Conspiracy theories are such a comfort. I was chatting with my Mum the other day and telling her how there is something about this whole Coronavirus pandemic that just makes me feel suspicious, there’s something not right and I can’t work out what it is. This unease could be attributed to numerous things but I have been putting it down to the fact that certain things just don’t make sense. I mentioned previously how we’re not looking at the whole picture in relation to statistics. The extraordinary numbers of deaths attributed to vehicles, alcohol, smoking and suicides which occur on a daily basis dwarf this virus yet they’re barely discussed with anything near the urgency we’re currently experiencing in the national dialogue. I also have a healthy distrust of my government, any government come to think of it, and the mainstream media which I have mentioned previously as well as implied regularly. With this in mind it is easy to see how I may be inclined to believe some of the ideas going around online about the real cause or nature of this pandemic. What dawned on me mid conversation though was that perhaps I couldn’t find something credible to pin this distrust upon because actually this virus has no underlying manipulator, it just exists, and it’s existence is uncontrollable.

So let me explain how that last point relates to the first. Conspiracy theories are a comfort because they make sense of events that ordinarily would bring uncontrolled confusion and danger to our lives. What I mean by that is that if we believe there are puppetmasters controlling the spread of this virus or controlling the media manipulation of a non-existent virus, we can find an entity that we know such as government, the deep state, the Chinese, et al and blame them. We may still be powerless, let’s be honest, but at the very least we know our enemy and once we know something it immediately becomes less scary. Ultimately the unknown plays an enormous part in most of if not all our fears, we are scared of what we don’t know because it could be dangerous, it is an instinctive animalistic response. If this virus is not being manipulated by someone it is uncontrollable, that makes it unknown and this version of the reality we create is far more fearful than the comforting one of deep state manipulation.

It is probably important to mention that I dislike the term conspiracy theory because it is used in a derogatory way to belittle an idea which runs contrary to the official story. I use it in this piece for the sake of understanding. It is as dangerous to dismiss all conspiracy theories as it is to accept all of them, or to accept all official theories. That should be obvious though. It should be obvious too that there are some official versions of events which are clearly untrue; think the assassination of JFK or the ludicrous attempts to pass off the hole filled story of the World Trade Centre attacks. There are also though the utterly bizarre such as that we live on a flat Earth or are ruled by a race of reptilian overlords. This last one is interesting because it is a perfect example of finding order within the disorder of existence; all these bad things that happen in this world are down to a race of evil reptiles, not because human beings are a complex irrational species capable of the unexpected and unacceptable.

This isn’t of course to say those with access to power are not going to take full advantage of this virus at any opportunity. We’ve already seen governments push through draconian security and spying legislation, rich party donors are lining their pockets all under the guise of saving lives, the wealthy traders are watching in glee as the economy crashes waiting for their opportunity pick at the carcass of once viable businesses. It is comforting to think all of this is controlled though because that is what we can understand. If it is controlled it is less likely to indiscriminately hurt us or our loved ones and it will have an end point. It is vitally important to indulge in a healthy amount of scepticism but at some point it may be worth throwing off the security blanket of conspiracies and seeing the world for the disorganised, irrational and unknown place it is. As is life.

A Daily Update

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I’ve been making pizza today. Lot’s of pizza. I have made them before from scratch and it is very satisfying going through the whole process from start to finish. Today though I did it in my friends bakery with all the machinery and stonebaked ovens to put a slightly different spin on proceedings. We made about twenty as well and delivered them to some friends in the village. Seemingly all the takeaways in the area have closed due to this virus which is probably not a bad idea but there would certainly be benefits to all involved in keeping them open. My friends bakery is still open because it is essential, people need their bread and pies.

There has always been something satisfying about cooking something like pizzas from beginning to end and there have been a few times I’ve cooked them in wood burning ovens which adds to the satisfaction as you’re standing in front of a roasting hot fire and sweating, and it’s intense, and you’re drinking beer, and you’re in full on adrenaline mode and you feel alive. Fuck that’s good fun. Especially when you’re cooking for a lot of people. I miss fires, I miss sitting around them, I miss cooking them, I miss sourcing wood, I miss my axe, I miss that moment when you realise the fire has taken, oh I just miss it. There is a lot to be said for normal existence and working a job and living in a house, it’s been an interesting experience which has taught me a lot, but how I would like to be back in my van, on the road and making a fire.

There’s no driving into nature in these moments and I’m pleased that is the case. People shouldn’t be leaving the city and potentially taking the virus out to rural communities which won’t be able to cope. The talk today was of a couple from London who had come up to stay in the holiday home for the weekend. The locals are not happy, I’ll be surprised if they’re not lynched before the end of tomorrow. They may need a new holiday home after this. People are quick to forget though. Once this all blows over they’ll just become another couple of outsiders spending money and their faces will blur in with everyone else’s. That’s how it works.

That’s the thing around these parts. Without the tourists I couldn’t imagine how much of a dump these little villages would be. They’re so insular but if you’ve got cash, well fuck it you’re my friend. It’s like that everywhere though lets be honest. I’m not sure how I got here. In life as much as in this piece. I was going to tell you all about the pizza fun I’ve been having but it’s been a long day and I’m already three beers deep since I got in, realised it was late and sat down to write this. That may explain a lot of things. Oh I wish I was at the edge of a lake somewhere, parked up in my van and sitting all cozy around a fire. But if I was doing all that then I wouldn’t have had the pleasure of making pizzas all day. We forget what we have when we desire everything else.

To The Ramparts Lads

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This virus has seemingly thrown everything that we know in a blender and regurgitated nothing but confusion. People have seen what was once sure to them destroyed, panicked and hidden away in fortress’ made of toilet roll. I just read that as a result of an expected lack of applicants universities will be sharing out places equally amongst themselves for next year. Obviously the best will still get the best and so on but importantly none will be left behind and risk closure. This reminded me of a theme that seems to be spreading about how in times of crisis our nation states and governments who once firmly espoused and embraced free market capitalist economics are finding themselves surviving this pandemic not through the free market but through embracing more socialist methodologies. This first arose with governments protecting the wages of people forced to down tools with the help of this mythological eighty percent everyone is talking about but has never seen. The usual ignorant trope about who is going to pay for all the generosity is in normal circumstances bullshit but unfortunately here it becomes relevant; if nobody is working at all eventually the money and produce will run dry. I don’t class this generosity as socialism though, it may be a social support to the people but could equally be seen as a short term injection into the economy so as to protect it in it’s current form.

Regardless clearly free market economics doesn’t work when the perfect circumstances for it are not in place. The moment this happens people start to rely on the state and the state starts to tighten regulations and legislations. If the free market we are led to believe as the only possible existence clearly only works in certain exact circumstances, and even then clearly not for everybody and at the expense of many, then perhaps we’re currently living in the wrong circumstances. Perhaps we should be looking at a more robust economic system that can withstand crisis and not rely on – cough cough – handouts. Some would argue that another system would not work in these societies we’ve created but if we’ve created these societies we can create others. These may support other economic models and not free market economics. Free market capitalism would not be viable just as more equal economic models apparently aren’t now. It all depends upon the prism you view it through and the foundations you rely upon. All that is clear though is that the very economic model that usually vilifies handouts requires them when the perfect conditions for it’s existence are not met. Perhaps it’s time to stop relying on something so flimsy for something so important. If a new society needs to be created, well then, a new society it is.

The Pudding & The Icelandic Spring

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I tried cutting up a big frozen roll of black pudding (blood sausage) this morning with a bread knife. It didn’t work. I tried other knives. They too didn’t work. I even tried a small hacksaw for cutting metal but because it was too fine it’s also didn’t work. Eventually I gave in and got my handsaw that is usually reserved for planks of wood. This virus is a trying time for all of us, our worlds have been turned upside down and we’re having to approach the world in ways we wouldn’t have even contemplated in the past. I’ll be honest I probably wouldn’t have bought a foot long fat black pudding in the past even though I love the stuff and the French version is partly responsible for me not being a vegan anymore, but I did. This series of new and trying circumstances led me to that moment when I found myself in my kitchen this morning sawing congealed pigs blood and dropping blood and fat on the floor like some kind of gruesome sawdust. It was ridiculous and disgusting, also quite amusing and with blue cheese really tasty in a croissant. I just discovered it is apparently a superfood. This lockdown is great for people. They have to experience their more creative sides and whatever bizarre parts of them that rise to the surface as a result. You can’t escape yourself if it’s all you’ve got.

In other more serious news, I just read a report from Iceland that only has 218 reported cases of the virus. Iceland apparently is a very interesting case for giving a better idea of the spread of the virus as apparently they have been testing large swathes of their population. With a population of less than four hundred thousand this is seemingly quite straightforward. What they discovered was that half of those who had tested positive had absolutely no symptoms of the virus at all and that there are at least forty mutations of the virus in Iceland itself. What is important about this is that it means we could and probably are far more likely to be spreading the virus as many more of us who have it are completely unaware. It does show the importance then of social distancing to protect those more vulnerable. It also though highlights the fact this virus is far less dangerous than we are being led to believe and that the death rate will be far lower than previously thought. The fact we even have a death rate for something that hardly anyone is being tested for in the first place is completely ridiculous of course. Also if there are at least forty different mutations the report suggests we may see the virus develop into a more contagious but less dangerous mutation. It would explain why some people are barely showing symptoms while some fit, young and healthy people are unable to survive.

19 Covid’s Of Hell For PM BJ Bojo Johnson

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Big news today, our glorious leader has gone and got a dose…of coronavirus silly, what did you think I was talking about. In a vain effort to be a man of the people, British Prime Minister Boris ‘Bojo’ Johnson has caught a cold. All is well though because he’s still running the country from Downing Street but now in his underpants via video link. The Prime Minister, or BJ as he’s known to his friends, is said to be in a fine mood as he believes this will finally convince the voters he’s willing to suffer with them no matter what and that his private chef has even begun cooking traditional peoples food like mushy peas and Fray Bentos pies just to lend an air of authenticity to proceedings. He is said to be really looking forward to microwave curry Wednesdays after his old friend Tim Martin donated leftover food to the coronavirus cause. He has drawn the line though at the bottle of Jacob’s Creek on offer even if it is part of a meal deal. He is said to be disappointed that his Supreme Overlord Dominic Cummings doesn’t have DNA capable of catching human virus’ as they could have had a “jolly good sleepover together”. His loyal and trusted colleague Micheal Gove has taken over media duties and promised to do all in his power to protect BJ’s legacy in the meantime.

So that’s the news, wow what a day. Is it time to start preparing for the military to take over once the politicians start dropping? Apparently Dominic Raab is supposed to be the one putting on the dour serious face if BJ becomes incapacitated. We’ll call him the interim Prime Minister before General Stickup His-Arse steps in to maintain public order. Apparently the sports stadiums are empty at the moment which should be handy. Let’s see how many people need their daily dog walk then. We won’t even need to report on our neighbours for that second run they took either. Isn’t it Great being British, such a wonderful people. Spirit of the Blitz don’t you know. We’ll show those Europeans how we deal with virus’, won’t be any red tape on our procedures, can’t break the law if there aren’t any. Thank god for the NHS though. These nurses putting their lives at risk is the kind of dedication that will easily add a few hundred million extra quid when we’re sitting around the negotiation table with the Americans. If there are any left though, they seem to be out Briting the Brits with their virus response. Always bigger and brasher than everyone else. Pricks.