Tag: sailing

An Inexperienced Advanced Scuba Diver

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Advanced diver reporting for duty. It’s amazing what the title of a certificate can imply. Having now dived a total of eleven times I am not advanced in experience or knowledge yet the title suggests otherwise. It does mean I can now dive to depths of thirty metres which is a vast improvement on the eighteen I’ve been able to for the last thirteen years. There are no guarantees but the plan is to dive more than once in the next thirteen. I’m a total sucker for courses and learning so at the very least I’ll be working my way through these as time goes on. I quite fancy doing some wreck diving, night diving, dry suit diving and the enriched air nitrox diving. Because I value life, and not just mine, and also because these are skills we should all have, I’ll do the rescue diver course eventually too. First before all of that I’ll just see what comes up and do some diving as the opportunity arises. If next years plans come together, judging by this year though I won’t hold my breath, which you should never do when diving by the way, anything is possible. The whole point of this was to allow for future diving and not just future courses after all.

There is a phobia called submechanophobia, which is a fear of submerged man-made objects like shipwrecks, submarines, buoys and other such things. I discovered this when discussing the sea with someone who suffers from extreme anxiety. I can appreciate the fear because when I’ve looked at images of sunken shipwrecks or submarines there is something eerily terrifying about them. Perhaps it’s the implication of death. The same exists for images of sudden drops that disappear into darkness or images of divers from a distance in the ocean with nothing around them for miles. There is something about these types of images that creates a fearful reaction, perhaps it’s some instinctive survival mechanism. When diving though it feels different. I can look over the edge of a drop that becomes nothingness but it isn’t necessarily scary. The mind is aware of possible dangers both rational and irrational but nothing like images manage to portray. When you are in and around it you understand how much is in the mind.

And that is one of the things that we can get from diving especially. Diving is not simply an adventure for the body but for the mind too, arguably more so. With all the water around and despite there being another person there, you feel fully in your own little bubble. Nothing else is going on. Nothing on the surface in our distracted little minds. You’re just under the water with the fish and the coral keeping yourself buoyant and focused. Even if you’re not keeping yourself focused you drift off into your surroundings, no opportunity to be anything but present. And for the last two evenings I’ve been so chilled out and not just from being tired or because I’ve had decompression sickness which I haven’t. Sailing and diving, I could think of worse hobbies and lifestyles.

It’s Time For Now

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It is such a shame that the idea of living in the moment has been flogged to death. It’s past the point of cliché. It’s such a shame because it’s also something that is of such importance. Recently I have been attempting to practice this and have had far more actual and empirically measurable success than ever before. It seems strange to suggest it is something measurable because it is something you experience without a computer scanning your brain waves. You feel it though and it is measurable because your conscious mind can compare it to previous memories of experience.

Recently I have been able to bring my head out of the clouds. The clouds were anxious one revolving around the stresses of a man soon to turn thirty-five and with little to show for it in a conventional sense. What we must always remember is that we are not alone in this world and undoubtedly somewhere someone is feeling very similar emotions to us in this moment. We are never alone in our worries, people have been there before and others will be there in the future. But the actualities are not important, the point is that we lose ourselves in our mind and struggle to exist in the moment. While I am thinking about the enormity of the future and the size of the task of achievement ahead of me I am not experiencing anything that life gives me while I am sitting on this boat, or spending time with friends or family, or walking up the mountain, or whatever it is.

At the other end of the spectrum, I have just spent the last half an hour coming up with a pretty spectacular plan for this time next year involving hitchhiking through Patagonia, and sailing to Antarctica or the Chilean fjords on the west, or both. This escapism into fantasy may be a hell of a lot more enjoyable than embracing the anxiety of sorting ones life out but it is equally as pointless. Of course we have to come up with plans to make anything happen but it’s important not to spend more time in them than is absolutely necessary. The moment this happens it is nothing more than escapism.

What of the success I mentioned earlier then. It’s not ground breaking. Somehow you need to find a way to step back, to centre yourself. It is as if you step out of your mind for a second, observing yourself. See your surroundings and understand you’re not in that future, you’re not taking on the entire task of fixing life there and then, or you’re not sailing fjords. Step back and see what your eyes see, what your ears can hear, nose can smell. You just come back into yourself for a second and in the process break the chain, the flow the mind was rambling on in in it’s old habit. Then you realise all you have is today, and think what you can do in this moment, today, how to achieve whatever it is the mind has been intoxicated with all this time. You can’t do anything more than you can do now, you take it one step, one day at a time. That is all, that is all you can do. Nothing else is important, but when the time comes for it to be so you’ll deal with it then, one step, one day at a time. Even then we still procrastinate, it doesn’t stop us being lazy, we continue to put things off but at least we only have to deal with little things as they come. In time who knows, that’s the future, it’s conjecture, it’s still nothing more than a fantasy. It’s not now, it’s not real.

A Day Off

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I had one of those days today. In a good way. I know that sentence has connotations but I actually enjoyed myself. Last night I discovered a trip I had half planned wasn’t going to happen. I had been speaking with someone about helping them sail from Greece to the Canary Islands but he changed his route and is already in Italy. It’s not the end of the world but I had invested a certain amount of energy in this as something to do and it was disappointing for it not to happen. In this day and age of Covid-19, being able to do many things is a bit of a struggle so I was pretty pleased to have found myself on such an interesting trip to a place I had yet to visit.

One thing that really excited me was that I planned on writing these and having them revolve around the sailing trip. I’m not exactly sure how but I know when I do eventually cross the Atlantic at some point I would like to keep a log of sorts on the psychological affects of being at sea for so long. That is a rough idea and I doubt it would be exactly like that as I go off on a tangent or find myself with so little to talk about I end up writing a whole piece on a game of cards or a dolphin. That would be a psychological thing I guess but still, sailing across an ocean is from what I hear a far less exciting thing than people imagine it would be. From here to Spain could have been a test run on that to a degree but alas.

Today then I woke up and decided it would be a good day to have a holiday. I did no boat work and went for a drive. I stopped, I drove, I got a coffee, I got a beer, I swam a little, I sat by the sea. I basically enjoyed myself. Despite being in Greece for a month I have been on slight work mode most of the time and I realised today I need to know when to just have a complete day off. It also means when I have days on I need to be a little more disciplined and efficient as allowing jobs to just drag on is enough to make anyone mad.

What next then. Well I don’t really know. I’m not sure I’m ready to step away from the beach and the sun but it’s seemingly the worst time ever to be travelling around, it’s also probably the worst time ever to be in the UK though so that doesn’t help. Come January I may need to start saving my visa days in the EU too so it looks like I may just have to return to the UK. I know nobody has any sympathy for me and I don’t blame you. We all find things to be frustrated about but in truth I know I’ll just do something else. It’s not what you’re doing but whether you’re making the most out of what you’re doing I guess. I’m sure there’s some wisdom in there somewhere.

Drama In The Yard

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There was a little drama and excitement in the boatyard today. While I was having a great time last night having a danger shower in the rain and lightning storm, a boat went and fell over. Exactly how this happened is unclear as I wasn’t a witness and whether it happened in the night during the storm is also unclear as they were only messing around early afternoon rectifying it, but I am going to create the link. There wasn’t the greatest deal of damage, only some chips in the gelcoat as you can see from the picture below and in another spot what appeared like a small hole in the fibreglass which will be easy to fix.

I remember a few years ago a friend of mine, the guy whose boat I sailed on that very first time actually, had a similar situation with his yacht. He was unfortunate enough that the boat next to his toppled along with a few others in a wild storm, smashing a big hole in the side of his. Purely by fortunate chance todays boat somehow managed to find itself leaning in an empty space between two other boats. While watching them lift it up I did what all boat people do and decided the people actually doing the work were doing it wrong. As you can see from the picture they appear to be using the keel for support which seems completely crazy and must be putting so much strain on it. I would not like to sail that boat without some kind of structural engineer giving it a thorough check.

Boats are stressful. They are worth so much money and I can see why people spend most of their time worrying about their own. The yard were very lucky the owners weren’t around, I can’t imagine the drama had they been. I hope it wasn’t anyone’s fault though and simply a result of the weather. Let’s hope they’re insured for an act of god though otherwise in the worst case scenario they may have just lost themselves a lot of money. Saying all of that I decided recently that I would like to have my own boat, probably to live in. The problem is that likely I’ll go for some cheap thing I think I can do up and it’ll all be great until some engineer tells me that the keel is structurally unsound because of a likely incident in a boatyard. That’s twice I now know of, perhaps these things are more common than first thought.

Well Blue Me

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I’ve found a new thing to class as possibly the worst job ever. I mentioned sanding the boat yesterday and discipline. Well I managed to discover a little more discipline today, not as much as I hoped but more than the day before. It’s a process so I’m not unhappy with that. I am unhappy about sanding a boat though. It is simply awful. The goggles steam up, the suit is hot in the sun and so on. What makes it worse is the blue sanded paint just gets everywhere and even when you cover yourself you still end up covered in it. Yesterday Smurf is back again. Throw in the fact you sweat and it opens pours but the stuff stings. It’s actually toxic too which is concerning but I doubt it’s so bad it’s going to do me a lot of long term damage. But it stings and I’m not happy. It’s such a shit job. Now I know why boat yards charge so much. Give me a door that needs sanding anytime. I will never complain about such a thing ever again. Thankfully it’s going to be raining tomorrow so I’ve no chance of feeling I should be doing any. I’m not even half way yet either. It’s certainly taking long enough. Fuck this. I need a drink.

Well tempting though it is I haven’t done my minimum four hundred bloody words yet. My face is still stinging and it’s now night time. This is nearly worse than toothache. I have one more hull to do and there will be no messing around next time. I’m not sure what the opposite of life affirming is but this feels like whatever I imagine it must be. I wonder if it’ll finally make me ‘do something with my life‘ if only so I don’t have to ever do this again. But I will, I know I will. I’ll get a boat myself one day and it will be in a condition that warrants this kind of work needing to be done on it. Fucking boats. This whole swanning around and drinking gin thing is such a fallacy. Maybe it’s time to buy some rum like a real pilot. It’s the pirates life for me then. I was thinking if I ever lost an eye and was still sailing would I be able to credibly wear an eye patch or would it just make me look like a twat. Probably both a twat and credible. Doubt that would stop me though.

Yassou Old Friend

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September along with April and May is probably the best time to be in Greece. The second half of September in particular. The most extreme elements of the Greek summer have subsided; the heat, the tourists and the stressed Greeks trying to make money. This year is a little different but it seems to be following the usual pattern. There is a lot in this country that can frustrate a person, Greek or non-Greek, but it has more than enough to keep bringing people back. Secretly I love the place more than I’m frustrated by it but don’t tell anyone, sentiment like that gets in the way of being able to complain which is a favourite past time out here.

The plan is to fix up a boat. I’ll be sanding, painting, servicing engines and trying to work out why there’s water in the sail drive. The last will be the most challenging mentally but I’m not looking forward to being stuck down in the tiny engine compartments under the baking sun trying not to flood the engines with my sweat. It’ll be a good boat learning experience though. I’m a believer in the holistic approach to life so it is important to understand sailing isn’t just trying to catch the perfect angle to the wind with our sails or drinking gin and tonic in the sun. Watching everyone on their boats doing exactly that in the port today did make me a little envious though, there is something slightly unnatural about a boat out of water.

These thing I can worry about tomorrow though. Today has been about catching up on and ruining any notion of a sleep pattern as well as getting my bearings in this new place. In a way I’m back where I belong. I know despite my desires for a normal life I thrive in new lands. I enjoy finding my bearings and working out what is going on. I’m not always the best at chatting with everyone but I wouldn’t say I’m unsocial either. I got a good deal on a car rental and spent too much in the supermarket on food. In response I decided not to eat dinner in the taberna and ate a couple of kebabs washed down with a couple of beers in my car while watching people fish. It doesn’t sound like it should be a stand out thing but there was a reasonably attractive woman on her own fishing. It stood out because usually it’s old or middle aged couples and single men doing this kind of thing. It’s not a big thing and perhaps a subtle example but somehow Greece manages to find a way to provide moments which make you take notice. It’s what makes the place so interesting, and admittedly occasionally frustrating.

It would be nice to be out on the water though. I have some slight ideas of plans forming but will keep it all open. Jumping on a boat would certainly be an option I’m open to once I finish these repairs. Anyone going to the Canary Islands? I will say though as my feet and ankles experience that familiar feeling, I don’t miss mosquitoes when I’m not here. They do serve a purpose, I’m not someone who thinks they should all die but certainly I’m ready to discover the secret to what it is they’re attracted to and make the necessary changes in my life. The boat is at the far end of a huge boatyard and I’m hoping they don’t know I’m there. There’s nothing worse than one of those night sleeps. I’m sure it’ll give me something to complain about. Well, it is Greece, you have to do something in between all the enjoying life.

To Find True Freedom

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We get used to things. I’ve discussed habits probably as much as anything else on here but this is slightly different. This would be more about adapting. We adapt to our environment then. When we stay in one place or in one environment long enough it becomes normal and we find a way to at the very least survive. In the extreme you could have someone going from a position of power and wealth to one of poverty and subjugation, think of any successful class based revolution for example. If they didn’t end up getting their head chopped off, end up in front of a firing squad or find a way of smuggling themselves out of the country; there is a good chance they would have to either adapt to their new way of live or die. That then is an extreme example and for me right now I am as far from that as I can think. I have adapted to my surroundings though, my admittedly comfortable surroundings.

For me this adaptation has been more about a change in a way of life. Having spent ten years as a traveller living wild and being free – that is the version my romanticised ego would like to portray – I found myself in this little village by the seaside. It was only supposed to be a couple of months, the winter at most with spring bringing new adventures. There is no need to go over this years events but as I’ve previously discussed they have been habit changing to say the least. Now though I potentially change these new habits again and see whether further ones are created or old ones return. Today is Friday, on Sunday I leave my home by the sea.

Undoubtedly there has been a lot I’ve enjoyed about life here. I’m beside the sea and when not rammed with summer tourists it’s slow and chilled out. It is though a bit backwards and insular which is enough to push me away, but it has also shown me enough to imagine a new way of life is possible. There were many times in my past travelling in which I openly admitted to being exhausted and tired of constantly moving and packing but I also really enjoyed the discovery and constant new in front of my eyes. I’m still after all this time like a child when I see something previously unseen. This time has made me realise I am in my heart a wandering traveller. It has also made me realise how easily I could settle somewhere too given the right conditions. It’s all about balance apparently. This mythical never been seen or fully understood beast called balance. But you can’t have balance when you want it all.

As I pack my now enlarged pile of stuff I realise I am happy to move on while also not being entirely keen on the exhaustive side of this moving on. The stepping into the unknown excites and the prospect of being free is overjoying. As I would have discussed yesterday though had I not got distracted by Miley Cyrus, freedom is an entirely mental construct. We need to find freedom internally, allow the mind to accept the ever increasing randomness of existence and responsibly live in the moment. It doesn’t matter whether you’re stuck in the endless toil of menial labour or sailing the ocean. Admittedly one is probably easier to feel free in and we can do ourselves favours with the environment we exist in, but as I said, it’s how we approach existence that matters. One more moment before the next then in this constantly testing journey to free the mind. Maybe that would be a good habit to create. I already have the key after all. I could get used to finally being free. Just be careful not to want it too much.

A Night Ramble

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Well the summer is coming to an end and I fancy a little ramble in nature somewhere. I have been trying to think of something to write tonight, nothing has taken my fancy to be horrified by in the news. I was horrified by someone I know being morally outraged on his Facebook wall by someone else with an admittedly unsavoury opinion leaving his ideas in the comments section of a post. The moral irony was missed as he screen shot the comment, told everyone to share it and revealed he had already spoken to this bad mans employers. These are the moments you realise the baying mob should stop believing in their own hype. We are going to finish the pizzas at the end of this bank holiday weekend. The kids go back to school and the tourists disappear from the village. I’ll have a couple of weeks to sort some things out and rest. I’ve already booked my tickets to go to Greece in the middle of September. Don’t worry you’ll hear all about it when it’s happening.

I wonder what it’s going to be like going abroad again. I mentioned in an early post back in November or December I think about how many flights I took last year. Spain a few times, Ireland, Sweden, Greece, Sardinia – actually maybe not Greece, I can’t remember – but my carbon footprint must have been horrendous. The amount of meat I would have to stop eating just to bring balance. I’m not quite sure that’s how it works though. I’ve made up for it this year. Zero flights so far and I’ve barely left the village. Covid has been good for my carbon karma. I’ll make up for it next year don’t you worry. It is good to take a break though, change some habits. I mentioned previously how I have been looking back, not nostalgically but almost remembering and experiencing certain elements once more. It brought a contentment and allowed a certain re-evaluation of certain ideas I had. Who I am. Such a cliche. In many ways this year has not always been easy but it has been incredibly beneficial. I doubt I’m alone in thinking this and I doubt I’m alone in thinking I am a different person now to pre-lockdown me. Total cliche. The talk is of the world and society being different permanently but the idea that individual people may have taken the time to understand themselves a little more without the pressures of normality. What a wonderful experience all round. Time with the family. Time with yourself.

But now that is all in the past apparently. A friend of the unbelieving nature suggested a new Europe-wide lockdown has been planned for the 18th of September and he used a random article in a random newspaper to prove it. I suspect that date may pass without incidence. It doesn’t mean winter won’t bring a spike though but can you imagine going through all that again in a miserable British winter. Fuck that. The British people are not mentally strong enough for that. And deary me I just remembered a no-deal Brexit will be happening then too. That’s probably a good time to stop this little ramble. It’s not quite nature but it’s the best I can get this late in the day. There’s no need to even go anywhere near that little rabbit hole of a shit show. Good night.

What Now Then Plan Man

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Life is full of lessons. Every day if we choose to look we would see them and one way or another learn something. This year for many has been a learning experience like no other, not more or less than other things but certainly unique. There is nobody who could have predicted what has happened and nobody who couldn’t have learnt at least something from it. The last twenty-four hours has thrown another spanner in my face, or even in the works, let’s call it both.

Strangely enough very little has actually changed. I am supposed to go out to Greece to do a little renovation work on someones boat mid-September. I was going to do a little sailing with a friend for the first week and then work for three. The three was the limit because I had tickets for a comedy show on the 15th October from an already postponed Jonathan Pie performance from April. Unfortunately in the last twenty-four hours all has changed. For family reasons my friend has cancelled the sailing and because of this virus the show has been postponed yet again, this time to May next year. Third time lucky? Perhaps it would be wise not to plan.

That’s it though really isn’t it. Some lessons sneak up on us but some we’re fully aware of as we step into and experience them. Without a doubt I’m fully aware of the futility of planning. I say futility because my track record of never sticking to my plans makes them pointless. One reason I never stick to them is not because I don’t do anything but is down to my acting on a whim as things happen. It makes me wonder if the planning is to create a safety net in my mind as well as allow me to escape and fantasise when life is not so interesting. Currently life is interesting in certain respects but with it being unfulfilling in others I can’t deny I don’t let my mind run sometimes.

This year has made planning anything a complete waste of time. Strangely enough I actually really enjoyed lockdown because I knew I had no options, I was trapped in one place and you can’t make plans when nothing can happen. Traditionally having no options would be a problem but perversely being aware of and being lucky enough to have many creates a different type of pressure and stress altogether. This disappeared and while lockdown brought up different problems, at least the one of options was a weight off my back. “Poor you” I hear you saying and you would be right as there are people trapped and miserable all around the world but stress and weight on you back is still stress and weight on your back.

Anyway, despite little really changing my plans have gone up in smoke once more and something else will happen. Interestingly something else always happens and we just make the most of it as it does. Think of this year and all the new things people have done for example. That’s the beauty of a flexible approach to life but somehow even when that is clearly the way we still manage waste so much time and energy living in little fantasies of what could happen or be happening. It really is so difficult living in the present moment. And to just give an example, I have barely even been present while writing this, the whole time has been spent fantasising about spending the winter diving and sailing in the Canary Islands. The first step to overcoming a problem is to acknowledge the existence of the problem. I have a problem.

Memories & Living With La Cabra Negra

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Humour me, I’m going to be self-indulgent. I’ve been having some weird sensations recently. It has been a long time since I’ve gone this long without travelling to another country. Even travelling within one place. The lockdown has made me change habits. You can’t run off somewhere when you fancy a change if the whole world is on lockdown. Sitting on a jungle beach in Costa Rica, diving in the Andaman Islands or maybe with a mate of mine in Brazil. Just sailing somewhere warm like Fiji or the icy cold north has also entered my little realm of fantasy recently. But I’m also in a weird way happy not to be running off. As I said habits have changed and I see possibilities with this version of normality I have created. It needs to evolve and it’ll change immeasurably before I make it in my own image but I suspect all of those things will still happen at some point before and after I reach this point. I’m really happy with this too. These sensations though have nothing to do with future desires or ways of life. These are feelings from the past.

For much time I have forgotten my adventures, determined not to be that guy who just lives on his them, repeating them to someone until they get bored and you’re forced to move on. This forgetting though has also been because I have been creating new ones and haven’t needed to dwell on things that have happened. Now though without this ability to move on and find something new to experience, I am stuck experiencing a new way which I’ve allowed forced upon me. I different kind of forward. I have found myself over these last few months remembering past events or people and this began out in a sad way as in a way I wished I could go back to these moments. This is entirely natural. This has evolved though as now I have found myself experiencing these moments and seeing them through eyes that are happy to have had them. Instead of desiring their return I have been appreciating them, but more importantly in the strangest way experiencing parts of them once more.

It’s these sensations. This is the important part, the rest is a different special. To imagine yourself back in the moment and experiencing the forest air on the nostril, the sea water on the hot skin, the rain on the face. The emotion of seeing someone or experiencing a place that leaves you speechless. Even the sounds and visuals that I felt have been coming back to me. It’s hard to explain but it’s as if I’m experiencing memories with an intensity that touches on the actual moment as it happened, not just a thought of something that runs through my mind as a movie screen. I’ll go with it because it’s fascinating and I know it too won’t last forever. It’s all just about trying to understand. That’s all we can do. Be the cabra.