Tag: red tape

Tories, Football & Poo

Hamar WilliamsLeave a comment

As I scour the worlds events in search of topics I discover little. Another Tory sex offender doing his best attempt at being a throwback to the 1990s. Usually they were having gay affairs but with being gay not an inhibitive issue anymore he appears to have just gone and sexually assaulted someone instead. I’m cautious of immediately believing every accusation but there’s often no smoke without fire as they say. In other Tory news the somehow not yet fully disgraced Housing Minister Robert Jennrick has made that favourite of Tory moves and cut red tape. This time it revolves around planning permission and all in the name of preserving the economy post-Covid-19, despite the fact we’re still very much present-Covid-19. It’s not like have no planning permission regulations has ever led to anything dangerous or slum like in the past, I’m sure this will definitely be different now that we have the Compassionate Conservatives in power. Is that still a thing or was it just the last incumbents who were compassionate enough to label themselves such. I forget.

Chelsea lost the FA Cup Final yesterday which I was so pleased about I gave a little fist squeeze when I saw the result. I mention them losing over Arsenal winning because I’m reasonably indifferent to Arsenal, their manager Mikel Arteta is so far likeable and Chelsea are a relatively detestable club with detestable fans. They win too much for my liking, are improving their squad a little too much also for my liking and winning the cup could potentially have given them an unwanted boost. Long term is important but we enjoy that endorphin kick in the short term probably even more. With Manchester United about to kick off their Europa League re-start next week let’s hope there’s not some Chelsea fan sitting behind a keyboard writing similar about us towards the end of the month and the tournaments conclusion. There’s nothing quite like a bit of blind tribal irrationality to give us the chance to embrace our most basic of desires.

In local news, those familiar with past posts, will remember ‘Poo Gate’ in the local Facebook group. This group was closed down by the admin when the tourist bashing got a little strong, but a few weeks ago it was opened up again. Unfortunately the tourist bashing has resumed unabated, apparently the existence of motor homes that don’t stay in the overly priced and full campsites are a blight on society and one woman discovered four of those little black bags of dog poo beside a fence. Society is crumbling before our eyes it would appear. I was very close to leaving them a comment suggesting they were all idiots and that the group should be shut down again but thought better of it as not a single positive thing would come from my action. Cities may be at the forefront of progressive culture but there’s nothing quite like a small village to get to the heart of what is at our core as a people.

19 Covid’s Of Hell For PM BJ Bojo Johnson

Hamar WilliamsLeave a comment

Big news today, our glorious leader has gone and got a dose…of coronavirus silly, what did you think I was talking about. In a vain effort to be a man of the people, British Prime Minister Boris ‘Bojo’ Johnson has caught a cold. All is well though because he’s still running the country from Downing Street but now in his underpants via video link. The Prime Minister, or BJ as he’s known to his friends, is said to be in a fine mood as he believes this will finally convince the voters he’s willing to suffer with them no matter what and that his private chef has even begun cooking traditional peoples food like mushy peas and Fray Bentos pies just to lend an air of authenticity to proceedings. He is said to be really looking forward to microwave curry Wednesdays after his old friend Tim Martin donated leftover food to the coronavirus cause. He has drawn the line though at the bottle of Jacob’s Creek on offer even if it is part of a meal deal. He is said to be disappointed that his Supreme Overlord Dominic Cummings doesn’t have DNA capable of catching human virus’ as they could have had a “jolly good sleepover together”. His loyal and trusted colleague Micheal Gove has taken over media duties and promised to do all in his power to protect BJ’s legacy in the meantime.

So that’s the news, wow what a day. Is it time to start preparing for the military to take over once the politicians start dropping? Apparently Dominic Raab is supposed to be the one putting on the dour serious face if BJ becomes incapacitated. We’ll call him the interim Prime Minister before General Stickup His-Arse steps in to maintain public order. Apparently the sports stadiums are empty at the moment which should be handy. Let’s see how many people need their daily dog walk then. We won’t even need to report on our neighbours for that second run they took either. Isn’t it Great being British, such a wonderful people. Spirit of the Blitz don’t you know. We’ll show those Europeans how we deal with virus’, won’t be any red tape on our procedures, can’t break the law if there aren’t any. Thank god for the NHS though. These nurses putting their lives at risk is the kind of dedication that will easily add a few hundred million extra quid when we’re sitting around the negotiation table with the Americans. If there are any left though, they seem to be out Briting the Brits with their virus response. Always bigger and brasher than everyone else. Pricks.