Tag: rain

Procrastinating, Corruption, Meritocracy and Showering In The Rain

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Yesterday I had a little ramble about nothing at all and tonight may just evolve into similar. There are times when I can’t think of anything and they turn into some of my favourite pieces and other times when well, they don’t. I contemplated procrastinating a little more but it’s already after nine o’clock at night and this thing can’t be allowed to drag itself out too late. That and I had a quick moment of trying to be present and realising life is about one task at a time. I think I had been watching something random or a few random things which involved beautiful people or successful people and realised they probably don’t procrastinate. Or maybe they do they’re just really good at what they do in between. One day at a time though and one step at a time. We won’t achieve these anxiety inducing dreams any other way.

Politics is always an easy one to bring up, which I’ve said already I imagine. It appears a few MPs and The Good Law Project have decided to take legal action on the Government over their awarding of contracts during the Covid-19 crisis. Anyone who simply watches the mainstream media news cycle will be completely unaware of this but it turns out they’ve been spaffing a lot of tax payers money up against the wall awarding contracts to their mates, or companies with links to their mates. Quite often these companies have little expertise in the area they get the contract and in most cases they’ve completely messed up whatever it was they were supposed to be doing. For an obvious example think of the test and trace app which in itself would result in people going to jail if we didn’t live in such a corrupt society.

Talking of meritocracy I was listen to a podcast tonight called The Partially Examined Life which I’ve only recently discovered and haven’t listened to enough to give too much of an opinion. It was their discussion on The Graduate which led me to watch it the other day. I never got through the whole podcast tonight as I finished cooking my dinner and preferred to watch an episode of something crap instead but they were discussing and interviewing the author of On The Tyranny Of Merit: What’s Become Of The Common Good – Micheal Sandel. It was reasonably interesting but I had heard some of the ideas before; namely that it can result in those at the top lacking empathy as they believe they have achieved what they achieve purely through their own ability which is rarely ever the case and that it can lead to a disconnection between them and those deemed unsuccessful. It is idealistic in that it is not cohesive with modern society. He discussed about in relation to our polarised politics, or more precisely America’s but it relates to the Brits too. Basically as the title suggests he’s totally against it. I missed bits as I was distracted by cooking and also didn’t listen to it all but as I said it’s not the first time I’ve heard this and it’s an idea I have sympathy for.

Where I am in Greece is currently enduring what is apparently day one of five days worth of storms. I just had a rain shower which is always a pleasure and not one I get to experience enough. I remember dancing around in monsoon rains in India, the locals thought I was completely mad. I’m right in front of the yard security cameras with the boat so decided against taking my undies off although I doubt anyone would ever be watching. I was a little concerned about the lightning tonight as it only seems to be a couple of miles away but I’m banking on all the boat masts getting it before me. Just in case I’m unlucky though it’s also a good reason to keep the undies on, it seems to be a slightly more dignified way to go out for some reason. Isn’t human conditioning an interesting barrels of intricacies.

The Storm Of The Mind

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The first time I came to Greece, perhaps it was about four years ago now. Time is strange, it decides itself how fast it moves. It may have even been five years. The destination was Lesvos and it was with the intention of being some kind of hero, there to save the refugees. Actually I’m not entirely sure what the intention was, it was just suggested to me by a friend as something to do and I thought why not. We arrived in a storm. For about four days the island was battered as people slept rough, they slept wet, they slept on hillsides that resembled rivers. The scene was destruction and devastation. It was post-apocalyptic in everyway except that I was able to return to my little hotel room once all the heroism was done for the day.

There is a lot that could be said about that time, little of it positive in a way but there are always things which shine through the clouds. I made friends who will be friends for a lifetime. That isn’t always something you can say. I also saw the world in a way I hadn’t previously, and I understood seeing truth in another form, despite being hard to take, was a good thing for the mind. These things are all about me though because to view it from any other perspective is too much of a challenge. Thousands of people passed through everyday. The fate of nearly all of them unknown to me. Many survived but I don’t doubt many didn’t, their fates too horrific for these words here.

I’m not sure why I’m going into this. I always feel so self-indulgent. The knowledge I’ll likely always have a hotel room to go to if I need devalues something of any assistance I could give. The words become hollow, if they ever weren’t. That and the knowledge I could also jump on a plane with relative ease and go to any of those countries people were dying just to reach. There is probably a sense of guilt in a way but we shouldn’t feel guilty when ultimately we’re powerless. It is also a completely pointless emotion as we can’t help the lives we were born into. We can help what we do with them but even then we’re limited in anything genuine. It does make you grateful for a bit but that slowly passes as you start casting envious eyes around once more. I can understand how people become detached when they exist in that world for so long. Or maybe they’re detached when they begin and that is how they last. That is unfair. People do what they can. What they have to.

I know why I’m going into this. I’m in day three back in Greece and it’s currently day two of Storm Ioannis. Apparently there will be a day three and day four will be the day the world comes back to life. The scenario couldn’t be further from the last and I am as much a different person as those people I now meet but arriving in a storm seems familiar enough that it has made me reminisce. Reminisce in the most miserable and sad of ways but then weather can do that to you. Our moods are so very defined by the nature of our environment. What is important though is to remember to come out with the sunshine once it returns. It’s best not to leave yourself in the storm.

Chasing That Vitamin D

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The sun came out today and it was magnificent. Actually the sun has been out for about a month but it was also a massive fifteen degrees which makes it almost feel like you’re somewhere exotic. Having spent years chasing the sun a younger version of me would have scoffed at my excitement but a younger version of me hadn’t just spent the whole winter in this bizarre, dark and wet land. This undoubtedly plays it’s part and can be compared to that time when I lived in Ibiza and it rained for the first time in six months. I felt unadulterated joy and happiness, similar I imagine to a farmer in the Sudan. Actually a little less because I wasn’t starving, in the poorest country in Africa and relying on that rain to survive so it literally wasn’t the same, but I can say with certainty it was somewhere between there and how I would feel if it started raining now.

The moment I realised I was experiencing a form of happiness was then I was sitting in my car, the fifteen degrees needed a little boost. I could feel the sun shining on my arm and after a while I could feel the heat building, I was cooking a little and I felt the vitamin D coursing through my body. It was the strangest sensation but I could feel the joy emanating from that spot. It was at this moment that I realised I was less content about being here and not somewhere warm than I suggested about a week ago. Don’t get me wrong nothing has fundamentally changed but I definitely started craving just hanging out of the beach, drinking some beer, eating some food, napping, the typical things people do. It was at this point I started imagining I could happily visit Costa Rica of all places. I have heard talk of it previously so this wasn’t entirely out of the blue but it was definitely a nice little fantasy that managed to take me away from the present for a bit. Interestingly enough it was when the sun came out that I wanted to leave and not throughout the whole of the winter. Our minds are confusing little pests sometimes.

I wonder what summer is going to be like here. I’m in a little touristy area beside the beach and arguably it’s what I’m after just not quite the foreign version I’m used to. My friend was horrified I was drinking beer on the beach the other day as apparently it’s illegal. I suggested he need to sort his life out. He said the same to me. Costa Rica it is not but when I imagine people stuck in blocks of flats in big cities right now I realise once again how bloody lucky I am and how in truth I don’t long for anything other than what I’ve managed to find myself. I forget to see what surrounds me sometimes. We all do. I don’t beat myself up over it, it’s just good to remember and notice sometimes. South Sudan it is not. In fact, arguably it is somewhere between there and well, anywhere. At least it’s somewhere.

Burning Stuff

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There can be something enjoyable about the more primitive pursuits. I have a few pallets of old stuff made of paper than can’t be thrown away and needs to be destroyed. Nothing dodgy of course, it’s just better to destroy some things. We have been trying to think of a good way of doing this without buying a shredder and it just dawned on me that I can build a big fire in the woods behind my house and spend a good few hours burning things and drinking beer. The drinking beer part is probably not the factor integral to the primitive pleasures but for sure there is a lot to be said for making a big fire and just burning stuff. I accept this could be because I grew up in the countryside and there is always stuff to burn, it just feels natural. We had an open fire and then a wood burner in the house, raked up leaves needed burning, old branches cut down and so on. There’s always something to burn and I have so many fond memories of standing outside with either one of my parents trying to control this huge bonfire, failing to avoid the smoke that seems to follow you and risking third degree burns just to push a branch into a slightly better burning position. I’m genuinely excited about the prospect of this big fire.

For those not familiar with Scotland they needn’t worry about me burning down the forest. I could make a fire and not bother clearly any old foliage around it, cover it in petrol, leave it and come back hours later, and the only danger will be that it has gone out. We don’t get forest fires where I am, the constant risk of rain renders everything inflammable. For those familiar with the dangers to hedgehogs and other hibernating animals then don’t worry I am clearly aware of this as a thing and will check any piles of branches and leaves nearby or where I burn. No hedgehog will die on my watch.

As I said though there is a real pleasure in burning stuff. Obviously from the parents stuff above there is an emotive connection. There is the warmth from the fire which makes caveman me feel safe. There is the need to destroy and out of that the necessity to understand and observe the cycle of destruction and creation as the ash fertilises the forest. There is the satisfaction of ticking something off the list of things that have been getting in my way for a long time too. And let’s be honest there’s the excuse to stand around and stare at the flames while drinking beer which feeds a need to drink beer and stand around staring at things. Why we don’t make more fires I really don’t know, there clearly are no downsides to it what so ever.