poetry – Observations and Misunderstandings

How accurately do we imagine ourselves to how other people imagine we are? That is of course an impossible question to answer as it is not only unique to the one person being imagined but is unique again to each person doing the imagining. People either think unreasonably highly of themselves or unnecessarily lowly of themselves and everything in between; as a result of a lifetimes worth of experiences justifiably or unjustifiably leading to that conclusion. We all know examples of extremes both ways in our friendship or acquaintance groups and these are well worn examples of perception and self-delusion. What we don’t always think about though is whether we view that person accurately or whether what we think is actually part of another delusion.

There was a time when I used to believe that there was nothing unique left in the world. I shared this information with a rather creative friend who made music along with a variety of other interesting and inspired works of art and bodies of thought. He was a character, potentially a genius but certainly someone who viewed the world in a way uncommon to most. I have avoided using the word unique there because it would be too easy but he was horrified at my suggestion that it didn’t exist. I can’t really remember my argument anymore for why nothing was unique but I think it came from an idea that everything came from something; music for example was inspired by other music and never existed independently from anything else. These are not necessarily my thoughts anymore and I would likely agree with him now as no one piece of art will ever be exactly like another. Some may be inspired by others to varying degrees but there will always be something put into it by the creator, even not obvious at first, which came solely from the person making it, their unintentional signature move it could be said.

It is with this that we view others too. You may believe it is obvious that your friend thinks very highly of themselves but others view that person with eyes inspired by a completely unique set of experiences and past conditioning. We get easily frustrated when people don’t think like us when we believe what we think to be obvious. The way we view people is unique just as how your friends view you is unique. You may have an idea of your character but if you have a group of five friends, to them there are five different versions of you running around doing things in five different ways. Nobody views you as you view yourself, it is impossible yet we get so hung up on what people think of us. Just imagine how horrified we would be if we really knew how people thought; each and every version. Perception is a remarkable thing.

Part of my resolutions are about to begin. My friend owns some exercise equipment and I’m going to use some ski machine thing I think, or at least something which he says is going to probably make me sick from the twenty minutes of effort I have promised him. The reason sick is actually a good thing for once is that as a result of my attempts at beer making I have not been too far from the toilet these last few days. If this continues I may be writing a piece soon detailing a salt water cleanse, or at least the benefits of it, over the intimate details of the procedure. My friend also drank the beers on Saturday but was sick on Sunday and seemingly felt better after. I unfortunately trained myself when younger not to be sick which can be good when drinking and smoking excessively but along closing the heart chakra apparently, which is perhaps a story for another time, it does mean that my body doesn’t necessarily expel poisons by vomiting in times it should. This attempt at doing some crazy amount of exercise when already feeling a bit weak and ill is completely the most ridiculously illogical approach and reminiscent of tv series from my youth like Jackass or Dirty Sanchez. I am though willing to give it a shot because while I doubt it’ll actually make my sick, I know it is at least an opportunity at making a start on my resolutions and I’ve passed up on far too many chances already. I am though losing weight by being ill so at least the belly is slightly shrinking. Does that mean I am inadvertently sticking to my resolutions? Only in the most perverse of ways. I also accept fully that nothing I say in any articles after this one can be taken with any seriousness and I may have completely destroyed any sense of credibility I have had the good fortune to acquire these last two months. But fuck it, here goes nothing….

…If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs is a line from a poem by Wilfred Owen about the folly of patriotic war and death, this line about the effects of chlorine gas during the First World War. It feels comparable to what I can taste in my mouth now. That old familiar taste of iron. The stabbing sensation in the ears and the throbbing of the head. My legs feel like jelly and either I’ve got cramp or I’ve hurt my hamstring but I completed twenty whole minutes of surprisingly gruelling exercise skiing, running with some bag on my back, lifting some heavy ball repeatedly and doing push ups. I didn’t vomit, I knew I never would despite the silliness of the first paragraph. I should be proud of myself apparently. I’ll let you know tomorrow if I manage to scrape myself off the floor.

Tag: poetry

Our Unique Perceptions

Resolutions Update 2.0