Tag: pies

A Night In The Life Of Lockdown Pizzas

Hamar WilliamsLeave a comment

Kick off is at five and I can see people outside at the door trying to get in. I used to have it closed but unlocked in the half hour before I began and as I did my prep but it soon became evident that people were keen on disturbing me in search of cake, pies and bread. As I’m more concerned with wanting to do my prep than help them not wait half an hour, the door is now locked. I avoid their pleading, desperate and starved eyes. I chop tomatoes. I realise everything else is still plentiful from last night. Pizza base count – only twenty. It’s Wednesday, twenty is probably enough. Prep done. Time to make eye contact and make the shrugged sorry shoulder gesture, spin my hand with pointed finger to signify the turning of something – in this instance time – and hold up five fingers for five o’clock. I wonder if they’ll come back in five minutes instead.

First person through the door decides to make a bad joke about getting a receipt just to check I didn’t put £300 through instead of £3 before waiting uncomfortably for the receipt. I decide not to put her out of her misery and tell her there’s a £45 contactless limit. It’s not because shes distrustful she wants me to know as she laughs nervously. I realised I haven’t cut any mushrooms and don’t have many pizza bases pre-passatered, perhaps starring at hungry customers trapped outside was not the best use of my time. I’m starting to feel a little heartburn from the sliver of walnut cake I just had, working in a bakery is not good for my health. First pizza takeaway sale and it’s two double cheeseburgers. I was vegan once.

My mate has just turned up with some official Lockdown Pizzas merchandise. It’s only taken four months and we close in less than three weeks but I’m now proudly sporting a red T-shirt with Lockdown Pizzas in black on the back and a black hoody with the same on the back but in red. They’ve put a space in Lock down but at least it’s spelt right. This might not be a co-operative or upholding any of the ideals I like to still believe I hold but it’s always good to be sporting the red and black. The fact these colours hide most of the likely ingredients I’ll cover myself in is simply a bonus.

…

That didn’t quite go to plan. I was hoping to have time to write a quick paragraph of each hour but the night turned out pretty busy and as it’s just me heroically working away, I barely got a chance to think let alone write anything. I’m sure there were all sorts of witty observations all throughout the night but they’re now lost in the ether of nothingness and non-existence. Unless time isn’t linear of course which would mean they’re happening now and always, both of which concepts wouldn’t exist either surely. I digress.

I messed up two orders tonight. One I realised I had done so as I put the pizzas in the boxes, vocalising my realisation as it came to me with an “Oh fuck” which was followed by me looking at the man and his asking quite intuitively whether I had forgotten the chips. He was fine about it, he could see how busy I was. The other time was right at the end I was probably about fifteen minutes late but they were fine about it too as they could also see how busy I was. People can be alright sometimes. It’s quite refreshing for this not to be a piece complaining about or making fun of customers as would be expected. Coincidentally with tonight being a night I attempted a running commentary, we actually sold out for the first time. Usually I have loads of bases in reserve but a mixture of me being slow to remind the guy in the bakery who makes them and him being slow to make them meant tonight was a special night. Amusingly the only person I had to turn away though was the actual guy who makes the bases as he thought he would pop in for one on his break. He says he’ll make one hundred for me tomorrow.

We have less than three weeks left and it will be the end of this little experiment. I’m alway keen on trying new things and now that I have a tshirt, hoody and scooter – which was only ever used a handful of times – I’ll probably have to come back next year and do it again. Saying that, this holiday I’m planning can’t come soon enough. There will be a lot of sleeping.

A Daily Update

Hamar WilliamsLeave a comment

I’ve been making pizza today. Lot’s of pizza. I have made them before from scratch and it is very satisfying going through the whole process from start to finish. Today though I did it in my friends bakery with all the machinery and stonebaked ovens to put a slightly different spin on proceedings. We made about twenty as well and delivered them to some friends in the village. Seemingly all the takeaways in the area have closed due to this virus which is probably not a bad idea but there would certainly be benefits to all involved in keeping them open. My friends bakery is still open because it is essential, people need their bread and pies.

There has always been something satisfying about cooking something like pizzas from beginning to end and there have been a few times I’ve cooked them in wood burning ovens which adds to the satisfaction as you’re standing in front of a roasting hot fire and sweating, and it’s intense, and you’re drinking beer, and you’re in full on adrenaline mode and you feel alive. Fuck that’s good fun. Especially when you’re cooking for a lot of people. I miss fires, I miss sitting around them, I miss cooking them, I miss sourcing wood, I miss my axe, I miss that moment when you realise the fire has taken, oh I just miss it. There is a lot to be said for normal existence and working a job and living in a house, it’s been an interesting experience which has taught me a lot, but how I would like to be back in my van, on the road and making a fire.

There’s no driving into nature in these moments and I’m pleased that is the case. People shouldn’t be leaving the city and potentially taking the virus out to rural communities which won’t be able to cope. The talk today was of a couple from London who had come up to stay in the holiday home for the weekend. The locals are not happy, I’ll be surprised if they’re not lynched before the end of tomorrow. They may need a new holiday home after this. People are quick to forget though. Once this all blows over they’ll just become another couple of outsiders spending money and their faces will blur in with everyone else’s. That’s how it works.

That’s the thing around these parts. Without the tourists I couldn’t imagine how much of a dump these little villages would be. They’re so insular but if you’ve got cash, well fuck it you’re my friend. It’s like that everywhere though lets be honest. I’m not sure how I got here. In life as much as in this piece. I was going to tell you all about the pizza fun I’ve been having but it’s been a long day and I’m already three beers deep since I got in, realised it was late and sat down to write this. That may explain a lot of things. Oh I wish I was at the edge of a lake somewhere, parked up in my van and sitting all cozy around a fire. But if I was doing all that then I wouldn’t have had the pleasure of making pizzas all day. We forget what we have when we desire everything else.

The World Championship Scotch Pie Awards

Hamar WilliamsLeave a comment

It was a big day in pie related news today. I took my seat at The World Championship Scotch Pie Awards today and had the pleasure of watching James Pirie & Son from Newtyle being crowned world champions for the second time, their first success being in 2018. What an honour I’m sure you’re thinking, for me and for them. Despite being born in Scotland I wasn’t born with an inbuilt love of Scotch Pies, but being Scottish has certainly allowed for the opportunities to sample my fair share over the years and develop suitable levels of admiration. It was in that case a real pleasure to try last years winner from The Little Bakery in Dumfries which was served for lunch.

The man sitting next to me at the table was a two time world champion himself and it was interesting to hear him describe the pie as slightly too meaty, he preferred his filling to ever so slightly crumble apart. I took this in while devouring mine and deciding he was probably right but that I was too much of a philistine to really worry about these finer things. I love meeting people who take these kinds of things so seriously, it’s never just a pie you know. I was hoping it would be more of a funny humorous event but the comedy value seemed lost on most folk there. The big bellied old bakers took the whole event very seriously, as they should, but still it’s always good to take the piss out of yourself when you’re at the world pie awards.

The presenter Carol Smilie, reasonably famous twenty years ago and still a total babe, cracked a few jokes about pies and spent the whole time taking photos with each winner as they gave her the old reach around. Bakers, by the nature of the extreme intensity of their job, are quite often total crazy characters and I enjoyed watching them come onto stage, some milking the adulation and giving Carol a good squeeze, some completely uncomfortable and putting their arm around her but barely making any real contact and the odd old perv clearly pushing the boundaries of whether they were copping a feel or not. It must be said she was a consummate professional throughout.

I, or more precisely my mates bakery that I was there representing, won the bronze award for best quiche lorraine. Their quiche comes in a pie shell, you see what they did there, very smart. Unfortunately there were more than one bronze winners each time so I had to share the stage with someone who despite my best efforts, got up there before me and next to Carol. I was really looking forward to giving her a good squeeze, if only I could remember the name of this other persons bakery I would officially boycott it forever.

All in all though the day may have lacked in pie related anecdotes and there was no Ricky Gervais to create any controversy but I got to eat a one time best pie in the world, win someone else’s award and meet a celebrity from the nineties. Can’t think of many better things to do midday on a Tuesday in January.