Tag: paradox

The Paradox Of Numbers

Hamar WilliamsLeave a comment

There have been some stabbings then. It happened yesterday, three were killed and three badly injured. It was announced today that Khairi Saadallah has been held on suspicion of terrorist activities. Apparently he shouted some “unintelligible words” before attacking a group of people. I don’t know about the intricacies of law and being able to name people but there must be a reason for the discrepancies over naming suspects, and in this case not even someone who has been charged but is just being held on suspicion. They must have a pretty strong, let’s say definite, case against him to make what is ultimately a public announcement of his guilt. Perhaps the ones not mentioned are down to the issuing of injunctions of some sort and the standard approach is to be able to name people. Either way it it’s something new for people to get horrified over and will now be the new thing to focus our attention on.

I mentioned a week or two ago about how we seem to be lurching from one crisis to the next; be it Brexit, disastrous elections, back to Brexit, coronavirus, police violence and now we can add these stabbings to this years list of events. It does seem to be one thing after another and I wondered how long it would take for something extreme to happen so as to distract people from what feels like genuine social change. The Black Lives Matter movement was helped by people being dissatisfied and restless after the virus. I thought with the return of capitalism and the opening of shops that people would forget but they’ll have this now to take the headlines completely. I’m not suggesting or going down the rabbit hole of conspiracy but undoubtedly the government, media and anyone else who’s vested interests were in danger will use this event to maximum effect and personal gain. The old maxim of never letting a good crisis go to waste can yet again be expected to ring true.

Let’s not forget that people have been mercilessly murdered but I’m not going to dwell on that because I doubt beyond the public statements neither will the authorities. Maybe it’s just my mood today but I feel incredibly sceptical about the expected response or just immune to being horrified about the extinguishing of more life. It also highlights a difference in our responses to virus deaths and these ones. Over forty-thousand people have died of coronavirus based upon one set of statistics, some suggest more and some less, but despite everything we have seen and felt, there is still an underlying feeling inspired by that being nothing more than a number. It comes back to the idea that we feel more of an emotive reaction to the deaths of three people than forty thousand people. Perhaps we can comprehend three people, there’s a good chance there are three people in the same room as us now but forty thousand is difficult, if not impossible to comprehend. It also makes you realise football crowds are enormous. Wembley stadium can hold double the number of people killed in the virus. Which make it feel like not many people have died at all. Yet they have, but have they really? Three have now died and that’ll feel perversely like a higher number. All it does is makes me feel even more that worldwide events, disasters and news are better off ignored, the spare energy from this can be put towards embracing our immediate environments. Perhaps that’s the way forward. Or at least embracing a little more of what’s around us than living in a version of reality the news wants us to.

To Help Others And Alleviate The Loneliness Within

Hamar Williams1 Comment

One of the pleasures of my day is strangely enough the five hours I spend working. Not always, but one of my current jobs is a little home renovation for a friend and I find myself in a flat just working away at fixing and building while listening to podcasts. I’m in my own little world with whatever I want to listen to. It’s a real pleasure. Today I was listening to one of The Economist‘s podcasts and part of it was about loneliness and how helping people can alleviate this sense of loneliness, but more importantly boost our immune system. Apparently it leads to the down regulation of inflammatory genes, which are their words and I’m guessing a good thing. It was in relation to this current virus and the paradox of quarantine, loneliness and our health. As I said they discussed how helping people can alleviate our sense of loneliness but they also discovered that helping people can make us happier and more connected with those who we help. They used two groups of people for this study, one who helped themselves and one who helped others.

This made me think of a period in my life when I helped people. I spent six months in Greece about three years ago working with refugees crossing from Turkey, having come from countries like Syria, Afghanistan and Pakistan. I don’t like the word helped because it is loaded, patronising and self aggrandising. I prefer to just say I handed out food and clothes, fixed things, drove my van around a lot and played football even more, as well as just hung out with people and tried to make them feel like human beings. The group I was doing this with generally left around the same time and I remained in contact to varying degrees as we all spent the next year trying to get over everything we had seen and felt. It feels and sounds self indulgent, and I don’t even like writing these words because of that, but it’s true, as is the fact I’m sure some people left with what I would describe as a form of post-traumatic stress disorder. My point though is that I have discussed with some people and we agreed there was a sense that this was a good time, in the moment we had been truly happy. I always put this down to the fact it was a real true moment and you were needed urgently, there was no time for this fake bullshit we live in our regular existence. I always thought that it was life in the true sense that made us feel this strange paradoxical happiness but perhaps it was just the fact we were helping people and feeling more connected on a human level. I still don’t know the answers or the truth and I don’t always feel comfortable talking about it as I feel self-indulgent considering everything else that was going on to others and is still going on, but these were my thoughts and what better than this daily monster I’ve created to share them on.

Exhaustion

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They say variety is the spice of life. Well they say something is the spice of life but I’m exhausted and exactly what it is doesn’t feel overly important right now. If that is accurate I guess the assumption must be that variety makes life interesting, and keeps you coming back for more, gives you energy and enthusiasm one could say. Variety in the sense of exhaustion, as exhaustion is just another part of life is it not, would suggest that different types of exhaustion make the act or sense of exhaustion interesting and worth repeating, eliciting enthusiasm even. Does exhaustion give you energy in that case? It is said that the more you do; the more you do, and that is not accidental repetition. When people exercise for the first time they may be able to run for five minutes before suffering for a few days and forcing seven minutes out of themselves the next time. Eventually they’re running thirty minutes every day and find themselves more energised throughout the day as a whole. Arguably they’re doing more but feeling less exhaustion, and with it exercise becomes some sort of a paradox.

The point to all this is that today I have experienced some variety in my exhaustive state. I returned from Sheffield last night, slept three hours and went and delivered bread. Let’s just say I was pretty tired by the end but somehow I felt that past tired feeling in which you can’t seem to stop and won’t until you collapse. After about another three hours sleep I went to my kickboxing class and worked hard. Today I sparred with the coach as numbers were odd and while clearly he holds back, he’s still too fast for me and got me with a good uppercut at one point. I was pretty tired during the class because I was working hard and it can be an exhausting sport when you do put the effort in. When I got back to the car I felt pretty happy with myself, post exercise dopamine release or something like that, but I felt energised and could have done more.

I am looking forward to my bed but it is important not to allow exhaustion to stop us from doing things. We are far more capable of finding energy when we have to than what we convince ourselves as we flop onto the sofa and watch a film. When we listen to the idle monster, or the inner bitch as I’ve heard it said, in our mind we do less, and feel like doing less the next time. It’s a vicious spiral, the opposite to the runner improving time and regularity each day. It can be hard but once we train our minds to quit whinging, embrace the new routine and just do it, it is remarkable how quickly it can be easy to do anything which in the past you would convince yourself you were too tired for. The body and mind are incredible things, individually and together, perhaps it may be time to stop wasting them and start making the most of the remarkable things we’re capable of as a species.