Tag: Nigel Farage

#accidentalpartridge

Hamar WilliamsLeave a comment

I am not kidding that is actually a real and genuine picture of Nigel Farage. Somebody out there without a hint of irony thought it was not only a good image but one worthy of loading up into the public sphere of life. This is no joke, actually it is because it’s hilarious. This is the man who wants you to follow him up the ramparts and help defend the British Isles from an invasion of hordes of swarms of stampedes of scary looking fellow human beings. Perhaps he’s aiming for the lonely middle aged women in Kent with too many cats. Alternatively, this could just be his new picture for his dating profile on Tinder but hopefully I’ll never find out. “Draw me like one of your French girls” he implored. What a clown.

I’ve been avoiding discussing the hysteria the media tried to drum up last week, or this week, or whenever it was about people trying to cross the English Channel. But then I saw this image and had no choice. Obviously thousands of people cross the English Channel everyday, but these were “illegal asylum seekers” according to one renowned and unscrupulous daily rag. These three words then found themselves bandied about in the rhetoric of those with vested interests and those who’ve been told they have vested interests. That there is no such thing as an illegal asylum seeker is obviously of no importance in the world of who can shout the loudest and whip the most people into a frenzy. It is neither illegal to cross the channel or to claim asylum in any country. That is international law and we are not all of a sudden about to rewrite it just to appease a few scared and unscrupulous racists from the south of England.

It was a handy distraction from Covid-19 and numerous other government incompetencies, it’s just a shame for them that A-Level results were released and everybody stopped caring about a few desperate people risking their lives crossing a bit of sea because possible death was better than what they were leaving behind. All of a sudden everyone realised they themselves have children or know children who have been affected by this mob in power. An issue of immediate importance will always rise above a conflated artificial one that ninety-five percent of the population will not even notice in their daily life. Arguments on immigration have become as entrenched as any other in this polarised world we now live in. The right being self-serving arseholes and the left being self-serving moralists, both sides realising the truth is as ever probably somewhere in the middle. The fact there is no perfect solution if we keep on looking in the wrong places seemingly and conveniently being forgotten. Anyway as a great man on Norwich Radio once said, “Could go your way, could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down”.

The Great Showmen

Hamar WilliamsLeave a comment

What’s going on in the world then. A section of Trump’s infamous border wall with Mexico blew down. Apparently Hurricane Hanna got the better of it. Past wall failures include another section in California being knocked over in January following a strong breeze, smugglers taking minutes to saw, yes saw, through sections of the wall and another incident in San Diego apparently saw them doing this eighteen times in one month. Perhaps a series of the same incident would be more apt. It does suggest he has been making it on the cheap and undoubtedly this does fit in with the type of image of Trump we have. Doing things for show without any substance and grabbing everyone’s attention with another outlandish ‘project’ the moment the old one starts to fall to pieces. Why anyone thought a showman would change his stripes I just don’t know.

The plan wasn’t just to talk about Trump, it was to mention a few things going on in the world but it’s so easy to start with him and get carried away with whatever it is he’s doing now. I think the whole world knows what’s going on, although saying that having just quickly checked the BBC, even on the actual US regional page it doesn’t really mention a lot about how arguably troops, or their equivalent at least, have been deployed on domestic streets and quite violently against peaceful protesters. It’s almost more interesting to see what’s newsworthy and not being reported. The man is gearing up for an election as he tries to get everyone to forget about his handling of Covid-19, as well as the fact he’s still continuing to handle it badly, and focus instead on how good he is or would be at cleaning up the streets. The law and order campaign approach being one usually deployed by a hopeful incoming President criticising the current occupants job, how that quite works with a sitting President suggesting he’ll clean up the streets of not only a country he’s been running for four years but that he’s repeatedly said has “been made great again” is still slightly unclear. I’m sure he’ll all confuse us with his explanation.

What else has been going on then. Well he’s still orange. He’s still the slightly shittier American version of a television series that originated in Britain and revolved around Boris Johnson performing a stage version of A Clockwork Orange. We thought it could never be topped but evidently in the most brash of American ways it has been. I wonder which one will run for longer without being cancelled. I wonder too what the spin-off would be; their best mate Nigel Farage losing all his money and having to hang out with the working men he pretends he’s one of. Or the ultimate twist of fate, through a loophole in the law he gets kicked out of the UK and manages to claim refugee status in Germany with his wife and kids. Now that would be both compulsive and car crash television. Maybe Boris, Don and Nige could be the three men to Dominic Cummings as the baby; probably doing his best version of an early Stewie Griffin when he was his in murder everyone faze. They just don’t make television like they used to. They don’t really make reality what it once was either though. Maybe it’s just those blurred lines confusing us all. Which is which, we just don’t know.

A Brexit Hangover

Hamar WilliamsLeave a comment

While yesterday may have been a day for breaking down contrived differences and the fences built in their wake, today feels like a day to take the piss out of Brexiteers. After last nights Brexit celebrations in London I skimmed through a live recording of the event online, lets say fifteen to twenty minutes of my life were dedicated to it, and made some notes. It is worth saying to start with that the whole event seemed highly amusing if anything, and while I don’t doubt there were some conditioned subjective observations; there were moments I found myself observing them as just human beings, not necessarily positively, but at least not first and foremost as Brexiteer monsters.

“Watching the Brexiteers sing We Are The Champions makes them look like spoilt little children.
Counting down like it’s a New Year celebration.
The fake clock sound because Big Ben’s broken and they can’t afford to fix it.
Sad bastards.
I’m so happy I’m not there.
Or them.
A tin pot 19th century military brass band playing the introduction to what turned out to be a 1950s Christmas crooner rendition of the national anthem.
Nigel Farage belting out his pre-memorised song sheet.
The singers out of time as the final line is stretched out.
The Union Jacks and St George’s cross blowing in the wind.
Farage legs it less than five minutes after the clock strikes 12 (Brussels time).
‘Brexit Celebration’ left on the screen to remind the crowd why they’re there.
A few of the crowd break out with Auld Lang Syne, it is New Year after all.
Some hip hip hoorays.
Chants of “Nigel”, an encore perhaps?
The sound of the bagpipes like a knife to the heart.
A multicoloured 10 Downing Street dressed up like a circus tent.
I bet Farage is desperate for this to be over so he stops having to hang out with those morons.”

I was tempted to rewrite it but thought best to give you the raw notes. Some a little harsh I admit and I hope it is entirely objective but there was something really pathetic about the whole thing. I’m in no doubt I would have said exactly the same thing had they been a bunch of pro-EU supporters gloating over something they also don’t understand. But that’s done now, I’ve had my fun and will return to the moral high ground of merely attacking the fences and those who build them. Certainly more fun being a dick though.