nervous – Observations and Misunderstandings

It’s that time of year when (fill in blank). Let’s be honest this year doesn’t count as any normal year. I was expecting to be swanning around in Greece sailing, eating and drinking right now but I’m doing something else. Today though my focus is not on what would probably have been a Euro 2020 match, as I imagine the tournament would still be going. With Covid-19 forcing it’s postponement we’re instead left with the final instalment of a very long English Premier League season. And I’m nervous. We’ve got a massive game against Leicester City today which could have repercussions for years. If we qualify for the Champions League it could be a springboard for what is a young and exciting team to step up and take their game to levels we’ve not seen since the now mythological heady days of Sir Alex Ferguson. If we fail to either win or draw today we spend another year wasting our time in the Europa League, failing yet again. Big clubs need to play in the best tournaments; money and reputation can only get them so far. The best players can make the money in most clubs these days, they want the best tournaments. It has been a long season. Today feels massive. We’re five minutes from kick-off. I’m excited and nervous in painfully equal amounts. I’ll write the second paragraph upon the conclusion of the match. I hope I come back smiling.

Well that was a relief more than anything. We won 2-0 with the first goal being a penalty and the second with virtually the last kick of the match after a mistake by the keeper. It was nervy, no real major chances and wasn’t the goal fest I thought it might be. We’ve been fatigued as a team recently and I thought their game plan would be to hold us tight and hit us as we started flagging in the last fifteen minutes. Had we not got the penalty after seventy minutes that may have happened but it invigorated us enough to hold on for the win and finish third in the league.

I had a feeling before the game that we would win but the longer it went on with us drawing I got nervous. Next season will be interesting. The top two, Liverpool and Manchester City, will probably still be top two but I suspect swapping positions. Chelsea are buying some really quality players already with the likelihood of a few others being really high, Arsenal look like they may become something worth worrying about under Mikel Arteta and Jose Mourinho will turn Spurs into winners one way or another. Wolves and Leicester will improve too and they’re already quality teams. We need to not only improve our first team on the right wing and at centre back but need someone who can fill in at number ten and arguably another centre midfield of the defensive ilk. Let’s see what happens. We’ve been so badly run these last few years that I will resist getting excited but we do look like we’re finally heading in the right direction. Time will tell, but time for a rest now I say.

Fuck!! Today is the big day, the first piece I publish properly. I don’t know if I’m ready for this mentally, I’m a bit nervous actually as it has been purely writing for myself until this point. It’s also probably worth mentioning that today is Day 32 and if anyone is inclined for any reason to read all the way back to Day One, I was supposed to publish for the first time on Day 31. Yes I missed my own opening party by a day.

But what the hell am I talking about I hear you say. I should explain as I doubt anyone is going to read all the way back to the first piece, and even if they did, I haven’t exactly stuck to my own rules. This is an experiment, I’m experimenting with myself, although not in a teenage boy kind of way. The idea is to learn the discipline needed, and create the required habit, of writing a piece on this blog every day for an entire year, three hundred and sixty-five days to be precise. That has already been broken, but I have published everyday so far, which was a rule change I decided upon at one point. I wrote two pieces one day, saved it in reserve and subsequently used it one day. That piece was Amor Fati and I make no excuses as events made writing that day impossible. The other rule I seem to be breaking more or less daily is that each piece was supposed to be only ten words more or less than four hundred, and there was a reason for that although I won’t go into it again. I seemingly love the sound of my own thoughts though as I am averaging about five hundred words per day.

So far then it has been an interesting experiment. I have proved I can write daily, although were I to go adventuring and my environment changed that may prove a new challenge to sustain. There have been days I haven’t been able to think of much and have just dribbled something inane onto the page, but then that is all part of it. It was interesting to realise I found it quite challenging to write and at first what came out seemed quite immature. Not really writing for the last ten years has not allowed my writing style to develop. It’s just practise. There are more observations I could share with you but I can’t remember them off the top of my head right now so they can’t be important. Ultimately though I’ve actually quite enjoyed it. Whether habit has been formed yet I’m unsure, they do say something about a month of repetition being an important milestone though. This is just a simple blog on my observations, misunderstanding and everything in between, it may be self-indulgent but then I’m kind of doing it for myself more than anyone else. Saying that, I do hope you enjoy it, and I must thank you for at least taking the time to read this far.

Tag: nervous

Squeaky Bum Time

Day 32