Tag: lucky

An Understanding of One’s Own Fallibility

Hamar WilliamsLeave a comment

It’s interesting as you get older you start to become more aware of your bodies fallibility. This isn’t something I’ve just started to notice but certainly something that is becoming a far more accepted part of my existence. We have the obvious times such as the body taking longer to recover after exercise. I do some cross fit once a week with a friend and I think I may have hurt my back a little tonight. Being a tall lad a bad back is nothing new and I worry about what it’ll be like if I’m still going in thirty years. I hurt it about five years ago trimming grapes in France and it took years to recover. Clearly it’s still a vulnerable issue. My knees grind and my shoulders feel sore regularly. I suspect part of this relates to something I’m doing wrong in my diet but equally I’m just not a young man anymore. Don’t get me wrong I’m not old but as I said I’m starting to really be aware of my bodies fallibility.

I am attempting to paint the front of someones house at the moment. I don’t trust the ladders without another person holding it and I was going to go up in a basket on the front of a forklift but we just discovered the forks don’t go wide enough. In the past without a doubt I would have just said “fuck it” and gone up anyway, everything would have been fine and the job would have been done. Now I’m aware that with the forks not securely holding it in place if I go too far to one side it could easily topple, if you include the ridiculous wind we have presently the lack of stability becomes even more of an issue.

I’ve rarely had accidents in my life, never broken a bone and usually just taken the reckless choice. While I have had a few close calls, it is unclear what it is that has led me to learn to be a little more sensible. It is not common sense as I suspect that is still lacking. Perhaps being aware of other peoples accidents as we get older allows us to become more sensible and potentially boring as a result. Let’s see what happens but I hope next time I go downhill mountain biking or something fun and dangerous I’m still more interested in the excitement factor and going really fast. It’s such a shame when people lose that zest for the wilder side of life. Maybe I need a little bit of an adventure to remind myself of my more youthful ways. Hibernating through the winter by the sea may not always be good for us after all. It can be the more extreme things in life which remind us it’s all real and we’re still alive. A little bit of adrenaline in my old age can go a long way. I did always want to learn how to paraglide. I wonder, maybe it’s time to dig around a little in that old box of fantasies.

Abre Los Ojos

Hamar WilliamsLeave a comment

My existence at present is a difficult one. Well actually in many ways it is both easy and enjoyable but it lacks things which I am used to from past moments. I am currently working as a renovator, painter, handyman and all round dogsbody for a mate and the work is straightforward, as is my ability to be flexible in regards my working hours much to his constant frustrations. I have been at it now for the best part of two months and I won’t deny there is something very comfortable and enjoyable about this version of existence. The other day when returning from Cockermouth I even felt a senses of warmth and happiness as I got back to my place. This is not necessarily a new experience but is unique in that I can’t really think of a time I have ever lived alone properly in a flat for any extended period of time and then to have that feeling on top of it was very interesting to observe. I have agreed to stay for another three months until the end of February, but who know it may even end up being the end of March.

The issue then is my lack to appreciation for what this opportunity gives me. I may have just changed my mind while writing that one sentence. Ideally I would be continuing to read and learn things but I am forever too tired in the evenings. I can’t say I’m not being creative because I have so far managed to maintain this blog but certainly the fact that I have still not finished the first book I started when I arrived is frustrating. The reason I perhaps changed my mind though is that I just realised this life offers so many other things I’m overlooking. I’m gaining a great deal of knowledge on the more practical side of work and life. I could always do things but I’ve discovered painfully that I never really understood the theory behind why or what I was doing. Now I know a hell of a lot more than before. I also get the opportunity to have a stepping stone into living a normal existence instead of just being thrown into it straight from traveling. It is funny though, I’m thirty four years old and I can travel the world and deal with anything that comes up while doing so, but I need to take little baby steps when doing what millions of people do on a daily basis.

What a lucky boy I am. There is clearly so much to gain from this current situation. We miss so much around us when we become fixed and obsessed with something that we desire, we often miss what is right in from of our eyes.