impermanence – Observations and Misunderstandings

I write this in a unique spot. I have a new armchair. Unique in that this is a unique moment for me writing this in a new armchair not unique in that I’m the only person out there with an armchair. New is not entirely accurate either, it was donated to the cause, my cause to be more precise and it’s dusty enough not to be new. It’s a vomit yellow colour which is unfortunate so it’ll be getting a throw put over it as soon as possible and despite looking a little uncomfortable it’s actually really cosy to sit in. It is currently sitting in a corner of my lounge which used to be piled up with random junk, it was my messy corner. Now however I am a man with an armchair and a reading corner.

I am going to attach a lamp and it’s shade to a wooden stool I have which will involve a drill and a little creativity, and I have bought something to go on the wall behind the chair. The something is a nautical navigation map of this area and this I would ordinarily find a little kitsch but I quite like the idea of it in a reading corner, there seems something fitting about it and not just in an ironic way. That could be also because I enjoy the humour value of creating a reading corner with an armchair, even though I want it for actual sitting and reading not just as an art installation. I’m sure humour is a healthy way to view these things. I have my reading corner and it’s ridiculous but I’m happy with it. Or I will be when I finish it and it’s not just a chair stuffed in the corner of a room. Which makes me realise I now need a bookshelf although it would probably have to be on the wall above my head which makes me nervous as I’ve seen my past carpentry. Perhaps I should just build a library and be done with it, that seems safer.

I’ve always wanted a good bookshelf so I can stack all my books in a highly visible manner in an attempt to impress people and look intelligent. I also want one for my own pleasure of course and for the practical necessity but there is a bit of ego involved I know for sure. I could stack my books instead that has potential for satisfying imagery but you need a lot of them for that. And a plant. I’ll definitely need to get a plant now. The problem with all of this is that I’m going to create a beautiful space and then have to move out. This flat isn’t forever so neither will the art installation representing my life. It’s like graffiti in a way, the temporary home like the impermanent wall mural. Someone will always paint over it one day just as someone else will live in this space and make it their own. Perhaps I shouldn’t get too attached to this new corner after all but I’ll just carry on enjoying it in the meantime.

It is important in life to always want to improve or make progress. That doesn’t mean we should lack contentment with what we have or desire more but accept that we live in an impermanent world and with everything constantly changing we mustn’t sit still and stagnate. I say that in regards to this blog. I am happy just writing one piece a day and while the quality varies from articles I’m pleased with to ones I know are rushed or half arsed, the standard at present is satisfactory in the fact that I’m aware this is a work in progress and an experiment in writing as much as anything else. The last two days have been tough as I’ve been down in Sheffield, working and being exhausted. Even now, I have just got home and while it feels like time for bed I have to write this. What is important is that in some ways it’s easy, the habit has been formed now that to make it feel completely natural to sit down here and write up a piece. So much of our existence revolves around conditioned habits and it is satisfying to realise this is a healthy and productive habit I have managed to foster in myself.

How then does that develop from here? To write more than once a day misses the point, now I have the habit, it has to be about improving the output. The habit has to be maintained and that is partly because the experiment itself was to write one piece a day but also because after nearly three months I’m not convinced the habit is deep enough to survive too much of a change yet. I was thinking earlier how excited I am to complete this year and be able to write less frequently but to a higher standard. It was a long drive back and I came to the conclusion that the ideal would be to write one, possibly two pieces a week, of about one thousand one hundred words and to take the time to make them of real quality. Writing a successful blog is a challenging endeavour, they can be successful because you choose to write about something you know will be popular or marketable, generic dare I say. This blog will struggle because I lack cohesion when choosing topics and because they are daily they lack a standard required to really be happy with. To write one decent piece a week would allow for more thought to go into it.

However this could just be me convincing myself of some literary grass being greener idea. Maybe it will be exactly the same, the same sometimes standard but less frequently. We always love to convince ourselves that we can’t improve the situation exactly like it is, that we just need to do this or that and everything will then be perfect. It’s the same with life and happiness…if only we made that one change in our life…job, girlfriend, new toy…happiness would be right around the corner. It allows us to not have to improve the present set of circumstances but dream of some hypothetical future. A hypothetical future blog then will never be exactly as the fantasy desires it. This current incarnation is real, perhaps it would be worth starting on that.

Tag: impermanence

A Reading Corner

Blog Dilemmas