Tag: idle

To Become A True Disciple Of Discipline

Hamar WilliamsLeave a comment

It can be hard finding the discipline to do things you don’t want to do. There has been some discipline involved in writing this every day. I am a little surprised, I am less than two months from the one year finishing line and still going. It’s not a stubbornness that has got me this far but certainly once you’ve put a certain amount of energy and emotion into something it can be easier just to carry on than stop. The public shame of stopping also plays a role and there’s no coincidence I published originally in this knowledge. Creating a habit of easier just to continue than stop is also easier said than done.

Currently a catamaran in a boat yard in Greece is my home. I am fixing a few things that need fixed and waiting around for a professional to fix the odd thing I can’t or am probably better off not trying. There have been moments in which I’m happy to get on with things but sometimes, these last few days have been a challenge. One job I have to do is antifoul the bottom of the two hulls. It turns out that the painting part is going to be impossible for now as it must go in the water shortly after being painted. It’s not going back in until probably April next year. I can prepare it in advance though. That means the dreaded sanding. I hate sanding. I have sanded plenty of things in my life and I hate it.

It turns out sanding a hull is even less enjoyable than normal. You need to be fully decked out in a protective suit, a mask and goggles. This is for my health which is important but the goggles don’t seem to do much judging by my facial resemblance to a smurf – the hull is blue – and it gets bloody hot at this time of year. Throw in the fact the previous layers are proving rather difficult to get off and I am aware I don’t want to sand too deep so in itself it is pretty challenging. The point is that requiring the discipline to get up and do the job has been an issue. I have struggled. Yesterday was good in a way, although frustrating as it rained and I had to stop, I at least had an excuse. Today though has been a lovely day and the only obstacle has been myself. This is discipline, or at least another type of discipline, one requiring a different type of effort to that needed for writing in here. You think you’ve taken steps learning something but it’s a case of then discovering the thing you think you are getting to grips with has an infinite amount of variety.

I have discovered though that like everything we just need to look at it all one step, or one day, at a time. If I look at the entire two hulls it becomes a huge task and a hugely off-putting one at that. If I just say today I will sand for the morning or until X o’clock then suddenly I am more inclined to crack on and see the morning through. Like everything, if we ignore the enormity of any task or issue and take it one day at a time it all seems much more manageable. I say that, the theory sounds nice, I’ll let you know how I get on and whether I’m simply talking out of my arse once more.

The Guilty Magpie Wants It All

Hamar WilliamsLeave a comment

I’ve started learning a new hobby. It would be nice if it could evolve into something someone is willing to pay me for but until that point I’ll keep it stored away in the hobby with intent file. I’ve a had a few of those, it’s probably a little fatter than it should be. It’s good to be a jack of all trades in a way but I quite fancy the relaxed possibilities that come with being a master of at least something. I heard once happiness, or at least a part of the whole happiness package, is to be a master of something because it allows you to be relaxed and content with what inevitably will take up a large part of your time. Perhaps one day I’ll be able to report on that. It only takes ten thousand hours to be a master apparently, about ten years I once worked out. Think of something you started ten years ago but didn’t carry on, doesn’t feel that long ago now eh.

What is it that makes us give up on things? Too difficult perhaps. Or we’re just lazy. I’m usually a little distracted and a little lazy. The difficulty doesn’t bother me because I’m usually naive enough to just jump in without much thought about whether I’ll be actually capable enough. I’ve also not tried anything overly taxing like theoretical physics so it’s hard to say what my limitations are. Usually myself though to be honest. I can be a lazy bugger and well I like new shinny things and once one hobby losses it’s lustre it’s quite easy to be distracted by another. Is this a thing we can blame society on I wonder, this short attention span, or is it something we need to step up to and own. Probably a little bit of both, you know how it is.

I don’t really want to talk about myself too much though, I know there is a lot of I this and I that in here. One of the reasons for this though is that we see others being successful and imagine we alone are useless, that we are alone in this world with our suffering. It turns out we’re not. It turns out we’re all useless or incompetent or incapable or whatever detrimental thing we’ve learnt to class ourselves as at something. In an ideal world I would love this new hobby of mine to evolve into something that defines my life in a positive way but I’m also aware theres a good chance it won’t. Do I beat myself up over this, let’s be honest I’m probably not going to. I know I’m not alone in this world when it comes to such things and quite often what we struggle with the most is the idea that we are, that we’re the first to have messed up. Well we’re not and I guarantee there is a long line of people who have already made that same series of ridiculous choices. Don’t beat yourself up. There’s always some other shinny thing just around the corner.

Discipline

Hamar WilliamsLeave a comment

What an interesting concept discipline is. Some of us, such as myself, have spent our entire lives without it and avoiding it too, or at least avoiding the harder elements of a disciplined life. Certain things such as having fun, partying, going cool places, having interesting conversations – you get the point – have been embraced with the most intense of disciplined behaviour. The discipline however that has seemingly lacked existence is the one which has involved effort like concentrating at school, studying at university, exercising at always, writing this post today. And it may still be today in a way as the day is not over but it is after midnight, although not everywhere, there will never now be an indexed post for Saturday 16th November. There will however be two on Sunday 17th and who gives a shit really because that is fine. While there may not have been a written rule on Day One, there was always an unwritten one in my mind, but again who really gives a shit. This is a process, and processes are long and full of fuck ups on the way. It is just unfortunate that the first one occurred on the second day. 

It is also a shame to be writing this so late at night because in truth I had been looking forward to it all day and was genuinely busy for a large proportion of the day. Not all the day though and that is the thing, discipline isn’t just about being hard working and full of will power, it’s about recognising the best time to complete a task and the flexibility to take the opportunity whenever it arises. There is no specific moment to suggest, more that as long as you’re not genuinely doing something else, the moment the thought comes to mind is the best moment, the moment you think is the moment to act. Perhaps that’s the secret to these psychopaths who just seem to be doing things nonstop, those who do not have the ability to think ‘fuck it I’ll do it later‘.

In that case I’ll flip it on it’s head, how utterly blessed I am to not feel the need to constantly act and respond to life’s many little supposed necessities. How people must be so jealous of my ability to sit down, drink some tea and put it off until later. Now that is some serious discipline.