Guilt – Observations and Misunderstandings

The refugee crisis never really went away, it just calmed down a little and was forgotten about. People are still dying on a daily basis. Children are still drowning and we’re continuing to let it happen because of ideological beliefs, ignorance and our own self-serving desires. With the names, ages and photographs of the dead Kurdish-Iranian family being realised there is finally a human face being put on those desperate enough to risk their lives because what they leave behind is worse. Not since Alan Kurdi washed up on that Turkish beach over five years ago have refugees been treated like human beings. It is such a rarity, it stands out as novel. And here we are; Rasoul Iran-Nejad, 35, Shiva Mohammad Panahi, 35, Anita, 9, Armin, 6 and Artin, 15 months. Victims.

It would be easy to blame the current Government, they make it easy. Priti Patel, the Home Secretary, Boris Johnson, the Prime Minister, Dominic Cummings, the man with the advice. They’re responsible. The leader of the opposition Keir Starmer, he’s responsible. They are culpable but to turn this into a piece going on about particular politicians or leaders doesn’t do a dead family any honour. If anything they just get used so a point can be made. It doesn’t respect them it just makes them pawns and objects in this continued war for power. They have power, we don’t like how they use it, we think we could do better, we use a dead family as a stick and next week we find something else. We just use them. We use them in the same way the other side would use the highjacking of the oil tanker by Nigerians seeking refuge earlier this week. Desperate people getting used in desperate moments.

How then can we create legitimate discussions about the deaths of these people and find a culpable party or argue about how and whether people should be able to move freely on this planet, without using examples of those who died as a consequence of a series of decision based upon those arguments. We must be able to discuss it. Is it blame? Do discussions fail the moment we allow blame and guilt in? People make errors and there will always be repercussions but it feels like both sides of the argument, the accuser and the accused, don’t want to find a resolution, or at least a resolution that doesn’t perpetuate the cycle of suffering.

In that case we, us, me, I am just as responsible as those previously mentioned leaders. Their job is to be the face of guilt and when that guilt becomes too much they’ll be replaced by a fresh face and so on. We continue to perpetuate this by deluding ourselves into believing the next fresh face will be the good one yet we don’t even know what that means because we ourselves don’t behave or exist in any morally virtuous way. But then we’re human and we’re fallible. We need to forgive ourselves for this too and accept these ideas of good and bad are simply ideas, nothing more. In the meantime a young family have died and while young families have always died and young families will always die let’s not make their death pointless. Life is never worthless and death will always be it’s equal.

The first time I came to Greece, perhaps it was about four years ago now. Time is strange, it decides itself how fast it moves. It may have even been five years. The destination was Lesvos and it was with the intention of being some kind of hero, there to save the refugees. Actually I’m not entirely sure what the intention was, it was just suggested to me by a friend as something to do and I thought why not. We arrived in a storm. For about four days the island was battered as people slept rough, they slept wet, they slept on hillsides that resembled rivers. The scene was destruction and devastation. It was post-apocalyptic in everyway except that I was able to return to my little hotel room once all the heroism was done for the day.

There is a lot that could be said about that time, little of it positive in a way but there are always things which shine through the clouds. I made friends who will be friends for a lifetime. That isn’t always something you can say. I also saw the world in a way I hadn’t previously, and I understood seeing truth in another form, despite being hard to take, was a good thing for the mind. These things are all about me though because to view it from any other perspective is too much of a challenge. Thousands of people passed through everyday. The fate of nearly all of them unknown to me. Many survived but I don’t doubt many didn’t, their fates too horrific for these words here.

I’m not sure why I’m going into this. I always feel so self-indulgent. The knowledge I’ll likely always have a hotel room to go to if I need devalues something of any assistance I could give. The words become hollow, if they ever weren’t. That and the knowledge I could also jump on a plane with relative ease and go to any of those countries people were dying just to reach. There is probably a sense of guilt in a way but we shouldn’t feel guilty when ultimately we’re powerless. It is also a completely pointless emotion as we can’t help the lives we were born into. We can help what we do with them but even then we’re limited in anything genuine. It does make you grateful for a bit but that slowly passes as you start casting envious eyes around once more. I can understand how people become detached when they exist in that world for so long. Or maybe they’re detached when they begin and that is how they last. That is unfair. People do what they can. What they have to.

I know why I’m going into this. I’m in day three back in Greece and it’s currently day two of Storm Ioannis. Apparently there will be a day three and day four will be the day the world comes back to life. The scenario couldn’t be further from the last and I am as much a different person as those people I now meet but arriving in a storm seems familiar enough that it has made me reminisce. Reminisce in the most miserable and sad of ways but then weather can do that to you. Our moods are so very defined by the nature of our environment. What is important though is to remember to come out with the sunshine once it returns. It’s best not to leave yourself in the storm.

Tag: Guilt

Life & Death

The Storm Of The Mind