Life On The Fence

It can be incredibly difficult sometimes to have an opinion and stick to it. This might just make me unreliable and indecisive but it also seems to allow for flexibility of thought. It means that I am capable of being influenced by whatever mood I find myself in in that moment too which is probably not a great thing, inspired by emotions over intellect or something equally damning. Yesterday I was outraged at outrage and today I am outraged again but this time outraged at my previous outrage of outrage. That is a lot of outrage. Perhaps we do need some outrage without any tangible benefit or outcome that can be measured. Every group needs people of all levels to function as one holistic entity. There must then be a place for those who are outraged by news and share it but do little else. How do I read it after all if someone is not sharing it with me. Equally then you need people below them who are outraged and then have a little rant later to their mates about it. Either the mates will tell them to shut up because they don’t care, will argue with them or will take it in. And finally those who are outraged at injustice but then do nothing, not even talk to people about it, at least they’re one less right wing racist. Clearly there does seem to be some measure of value to the outrage.

It is a hard lonely existence sitting on the fence. The ability to see both sides of the argument without the absolutist dogmatic approach to beliefs is one which rarely wins you many staunch allies. It probably results in more friends but who needs those when you can have allies in the fight, or a fight, or whatever it is you think you’re doing. The world is not black and white, there are benefits and positives to everything if you choose to see them. They may be tiny and outweighed by the negatives but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. That is of course a rather positive attempt to spin a lack of decisiveness. Sometimes it is hard to truly think something when you keep on seeing the other side of the argument.

While the danger of just sitting behind a screen, getting angry and doing nothing is the potential harm to your mental state, equally at some point; you may just have a conversation with someone about that issue which previously outraged you, setting off a chain reaction that results in something actually measurable happening. At the same time logically that makes you another link within whatever chain was sparked into life at some earlier date. Does that mean it is all out of control anyway? What’s the point of worrying about the outrage if we’re just another piece of an uncontrollable chain reaction. Perhaps we just need to sit back enjoy the moment of outrage, see it for what it is and let it go before smiling in recognition when the time comes for it to be useful. What a joy life would be if we were really that present, objective and aware of our actions and thoughts. What an existence it would be if we weren’t able to be angry before forgetting we were angry and deciding the next day we actually think something else. Ah the pleasures of life on the fence.

The Hobbyists Dear Diary

Although I am starting to become concerned that I may just be turning this into a glorified diary I’m seemingly on such a self indulgent enough trip at present that I’ll continue.

Dear diary,
Today I started a new hobby. You see dearest diary I love hobbies, in fact I’ve seemingly been treating too many things in life as hobbies. Some call it not sticking to anything, but for me I really really wanted to be a yoga teacher so I did a course and got a certificate, a tree surgeon so I did a course, a sailor so I did numerous courses, an English teacher, a philosopher, carpenter, engineer, proofreader and I’m in no doubt there were others that I have forgotten about. I loved learning all these things with the intention of turning them into a career, and in a way I did, just my own version of a career. Oh dear diary I just love to refer to them all as a series of hobbies, my life appears to be one long hobby and it’s just such fun. And now I have a new one. I’m going to learn computer science and become a coder. The ultimate jack of all trades has finally tried to pick up a computer and turned it on successfully. Isn’t that so exciting dear diary.
love you love you love you love you

But yes that is that. I’m a grown man with a diary online. It’s funny how things naturally evolve and I know I take the piss out of myself but I don’t mind or care what I am writing about or where I am now. In truth there is so much time for a hell of a lot of evolution in this thing and currently this is where I’m at. The diary phase.

Coding though, for someone who has prided himself on being a technophobe all these years and forever too cool for school, this is quite the corner to have turned. Who knows though, I’ve got to stick to something one day and this allows for a hell of a lot of flexibility, freedom and creativity. It may just be something that grabs my attention when I’m not sailing or getting beaten up by girls.

With all that in mind it is worth pointing out that there is always more to anything. We are put under so much pressure from society to achieve X, Y and Z, and to have done it by a certain age. For sure there are many people out there lost, with no idea what they’re doing or where they’re going. It is a stressful existence and it disgusts me that people have been allowed to slip through the cracks, forgotten and ignored. They may feel alone but they’re not, that’s almost the worst part. Stand up my brothers and sisters, societies outcasts who have not, can not and do not want to achieve success in a style unnatural and forced upon them. Be free and embrace your freedom. Realise you are the lucky few. And while you’re at it, why not take up a hobby or two.