Is There As Much Value In The Dream As The Achievement?

I was reading an article about death and how if we accept it’s inevitability we’re more likely to lead fulfilling and ultimately happier lives. It is with acceptance on this inevitable that will apparently help us to do more, fear less and live closer to whatever our true desires for a full life are. It highlights the differing approach between western and eastern philosophy and is an interesting piece all told. I want to discuss an idea that came into my mind while reading it more than the actual article itself.

The author highlights the example of Heidegger, who “lamented that too many people wasted their lives running with the ‘herd’ rather than being true to themselves”, but who later went on to join the Nazi party in the hope it would advance his career, amongst other reasons. Now then Heidegger was a great philosopher and influenced many in his lifetime and subsequently but he was in this example unable to live by his own ideals. This is opposite to another person the author discusses, The Buddha, who managed to live by his beliefs until the end. Do we then need to give more credibility to the ideals of someone who manages to live by what they say than someone who is unable to. Does their inability to follow their own beliefs discredit them as fanciful or unachievable or do we take them as things to one day achieve. If we only ever professed what we were capable of would we as a species have evolved our thinking at a far slower rate because we never made any so called implausible leaps.

It is important to understand where ideas come from. We are undoubtedly inspired by those around us of course, our peers and family, by modern culture, and what we observe in our daily life. There is ourselves too though. Who do we get to spend more time with, experience the deepest thoughts of and understandings than ourselves. I know without an argument I don’t live up to all my protestations and ideals but if I did I would probably be enlightened like The Buddha or I would potentially be leading a very simple life.

Some of what I believe is what I know I am lacking in my own life. I’ve observed something in myself and see how a life with or without it would be ‘better’ were I capable of living or thinking like that. I understand it because I aspire to it and see it’s value through the lack of it in my own life. Does my inability to follow through devalue the idea. Evidently I’m arguing no and as such think we would be wise not to be too dismissive of such failures in follow through. We shouldn’t be too quick to dismiss ideas because they seem incomprehensible and unachievable. Everything is unachievable until it is achieved and there are no time limits from the inception of an idea to it’s completion as common thought. Heidegger’s ideas, like our own fanciful ones, are no less credible just because he wasn’t able to master them himself. The ability of others later who could proves this. Perhaps there’s some value in our wildest dreams after all.

A Tall Tree In A Dark Forest

I was lying in bed this morning feeling frustrated. I’ve not been sleeping as well as I usually do and that usual is to close my eyes and suddenly the alarm is going off nine hours later. I’m not sure why I’m not, but for whatever reason I find it understandably annoying. The frustration I suspect is like a wind that gives the fire oxygen but it’s a lack of something that’s the kindling.

I’ve led a reasonably interesting life so far, been to a few places and met many faces. I don’t really feel proud of it like it’s some accomplishment despite the positive response I get when I tell some people. There is certainly a lack of contentment and despite how it may appear I feel a constant drive to achieve things. I often see some of my friends or really successful famous people and I’m envious of their lives. They seem to have a success I don’t. Careers, homes, families and bank balances yet I’m thirty four and my instincts have rejected all of these things until now. In fact I still see the futility of some of them and I know the things they have sacrificed to achieve them, things I’m seemingly still unwilling to as I plan my next adventure. Can we adventure forever though? We can’t eat our memories, we can’t shelter under them and eventually we just become those repetitive old travellers others avoid because all they have is their stories. I don’t often tell my stories unless they come up as a relatable anecdote, I don’t want to be that person.

So why the frustration? I hope you don’t feel me to be self indulgent with this piece but it’s simply I know expressing thoughts like this can help others with their own thoughts. I’m not saying my thoughts are anything special but more that I’m not unique and we all suffer the same things just through different eyes. The frustration stems from a lack of something in life as I said. I’m not sure if it’s a home because I have one now and it’s great and safe but it’s not going to bring me happiness on it’s own. Maybe it’s a family? A wife and kids. Again I’m unsure of that, although I don’t doubt it would be nice to have a woman in my life. Perhaps it’s just wanting it all, or more precisely wanting an idea of how I imagine it’ll be.

I was thinking that for all the knowledge I’ve learnt over the years; meeting wise people, reading wise texts, experiencing moments of understanding; I still don’t seem to put much of this into practice in my own life. It would explain why it is still knowledge within and not wisdom. The only thing I’ve learnt is that unlike twenty five year old me I try to avoid giving wise enlightened advice or talking in that empty way people do when they think they know it all. I feel an immediate inclination to end the conversation, or I’ll carry it on but sometimes it just feels stupid. I know it can impress people, and you see people taking it in but it doesn’t feel real. Unless you start living it it’s just a series of empty words.

A series of desires about something we imagine we want and a series of empty words then. I know the rhetoric about contentment and desires but I’m not content and I still desire. I know the words that give the impression of a level of enlightened but I feel as far from enlightened as I’ve even been. This is the frustration then. Why what I know doesn’t correlate in any way to how I act. This is why I feel confident I can say this aloud and it will resonate with others, another thing I know is that others don’t act on what they know either. Perhaps it’s just part of being a fallible human. Perhaps we just need more than knowledge of words. This drive to achieve life, live it to whatever fullest version we choose. Again this is just an idea of a desire. I think I need to end this here because I can see myself going in circles. The answers aren’t attached to my tail. Maybe the answers aren’t attached to anything. Maybe there are no answers. Perhaps that’s what I’m missing, but what does that even mean? Just empty fucking words again.