As someone who has spent time abroad and socialised with people who do not either serve food or run hotels, it has long been brought to my attention that the British people have somewhat of a reputation for consuming large quantities of alcohol. While I don’t deny others countries do drink large amounts too, or at least the fun ones do, we, along with the Irish come to think of it, are renowned for being the drunks of Europe. This then seems to have been confirmed with the latest news relating to the lockdown we’re facing in the UK.
There has been much debate about what exactly should be classed as an essential service and it’s one of those issues that nearly every wannabe expert has an opinion on. Construction sites for example have been a highly controversial issue because while they can’t ban construction that relates to potential virus related work, the guy building the patio next door could probably not be classed as essential and immediately necessary. It would be nice to sit out in the sun with a nice gin and tonic while isolating though come to think of it, so that’s a toughie. We have though taken it to a level that only the comics writing this black comedy could have dreamt of. As the country battles a world wide pandemic; Off Licences of all things have been deemed as being of the utmost importance and essential to the smooth running of the country. For those from countries that use other names an off licence is what we call our bottle shops / liquor shops / alcohol shops. Yes they serve but one purpose.
It is important in times like this to be honest and admit there is something absurd about this that makes me proud. Cultures need something that sets them apart from each other; the Italians talk incessantly, the Greeks argue for pleasure and the French are arseholes, but that is there thing, that is their national identity they take it out into the world. As the south of Spain can attest we export drunks and even in times of crisis we are sticking to this national identity. It makes me proud we’re being true to ourselves. How are we supposed to suffer through at least three weeks of isolation? Stuck inside homes with partners we hate and kids we have to love? So much energy has been put into avoiding our families and we find ourselves forced into their company. Without the ability to keep a steady level of intoxication it may be worth going out in public and catching the virus just to get some space. The British people can not be told to do something, the inner child comes out and they insist on the opposite even if they don’t really want it. All those poor soles who were forced to leave the cities and endure serene villages and countryside over the weekend simply because they had been told to stay indoors. At least give to poor bastards alcohol. Just imagine the damage a sober populace could do, I’m so relieved they saw sense.
Observations and Misunderstandings 