Karma

Karma is a concept we’re all vaguely familiar with. I could be mistaken but it would probably not be a leap to imagine the general consensus being that if you do something good something good will happen to you and in turn doing bad will result is something bad happening back to you. That is a rather crude explanation but I imagine it more or less stands up. The next question would be whether the resulting return is the equivalent to the action, for example if you give a homeless man a sandwich will you get either a sandwich given to you later or the moral value of the sandwich in the form of something else? In truth I can’t answer that because I don’t know. It surely wouldn’t be too much of a push though to find holes in this idea of direct equivalence. In that case it must be more of a general thing, do some good and some good will happen to you.

There is one thing that I have always struggled with though and it is the idea that we can do good with the intention of receiving good in return. In George Orwell’s Burmese Days, U Po Kyin the corrupt magistrate and resident bad guy of the story, admits towards the end that before he dies he plans on building a series of Pagodas in honour of The Buddha and that with this act he will earn enough good karma points to receive a positive rebirth in the next life. This raises two issues, firstly that the Buddhist idea of karma revolves around the concept of rebirth unlike ours which is just that good shit will happen to you and secondly the rather perverse notion that you can buy good karma. I once asked some people at a pagoda when I was in Burma about being able to buy good karma and for them it seemed perfectly reasonable. The point here then returns to this idea of what the intentions behind the act are. For example if you buy one hundred meals for homeless children purely for the sake of the children this is an uncorrupted act. If you do the same but with an awareness that you’ll receive the equivalent in return this is not a positive act despite the positive outcome, the selfish intentions surely nullify any karmic points that you hoped to accrue. Does this mean that with the knowledge of and belief in the existence of karma your actions will forever be slightly tainted despite you best efforts? The knowledge and creation of karma renders a karmically pure act impossible? Fuck knows but surely just having loads of cash shouldn’t make it easier to avoid coming back as a frog.

If we insist on giving the receipt of positivity or negativity a name then so be it, but surely by merely being a good person and doing good things we find ourselves on a general level surrounded by good people and good actions. There will be extreme instances which go against the norm but it’s not hard to imagine. In a way it is the classic like attracts like argument and is easily just another way of describing a view of karma. Naturally the Buddhists would be able to look at this and say I’m not describing karma at all and clearly misunderstand it, in that case so be it. This then can be more about the idea that good people tend to be surrounded by other good people and bad with bad. It is probably worth mentioning that I also have issues with the concept of good and bad, and cringe at my own use of it. Maybe that could be for tomorrows piece though. In the meantime I’m going to go buy a sandwich and see who I can find, just in case.

Chi Nei Tsang Me Baby

I’m keen to give an update on how I feel after the cleanse I wrote about on Saturday. I’m wary of going on about how great these things are and how simply magical I feel because the mind is powerful and can convince us of many things, but mainly because I’ll sound like a wanker. Yesterday I didn’t feel a great difference in mood but today I have felt energised and like a weight has been lifted. It is one of those things that were someone else to read it, it wouldn’t really mean anything to them, and I can accept this because I would probably be the same. Like I said I’m wary of getting carried away but there is a distinct difference between today and this time last week or last month. I am sure you’re questioning how I can possibly give credit to a salt water cleanse for this but the gut is such a complex organ, our second brain some describe it. When it is not functioning at it’s peak then holistically speaking, we as one entity cannot either.

I back this up by an experience I had in Thailand years ago, actually just before that time I went to Burma and got the super farts. It was off the back of my travelling India and she had been a hard mistress. At one point I had spent three weeks really ill, everything passing through me and losing weight rapidly. I was down to sixty-five kilograms, or about ten stone depending where you’re reading this, and I’m six foot three or about one metre ninety. This was not a healthy look, I could see the ribs in my back. That three weeks took it’s toll on me mentally, for months afterwards I felt a heaviness to life. When I got to Bangkok, on the recommendation of a friend I tried an abdominal stomach massage called Chi New Tsang. When she had had it she said she just cried through the whole thing, I had no idea what I was letting myself in for. The premise of Chi New Tsang is that by massaging your internal organs in a particular way you release all the blocked negative emotions which have been stored within them. This idea of the body storing pain is one you can find in many eastern therapies and healing practises. I’m naturally a sceptic but I also want everything that could be good to be real. I will try most things and hopefully with an open mind, some therapies I’ve not got the same response others have from them, but this stomach massage was incredible. I never cried or anything like that but I walked out of there and especially the next day felt like a new person. I had spent the previous weeks hiding away in a dark corner but for the last week I was there I got involved with things and was happy again. I took a beating and I stored it all in my gut. This was the release.

For some bizarre reason the Chi New Tsang massage is not that easy to find in Thailand, everyone just wants beaten up by attractive young girls as they crack your body back into position. I found one practitioner in Edinburgh but she was on maternity leave when I tried to contact her, a few in London and none in Athens so finding anyone is not going to be straight forward. The point is this massage works on a similar principle to the cleanse, you’re not just purging the physical detritus from your guts but in actuality the mental waste too.

The next mission is to keep myself from storing this suffering. I’ll start by hopefully listening to what my second brain tells me about what I’m putting in it. Unfortunately I have noticed butter has been making me itch which is a shame because I love it, I haven’t touched milk or cream, and I have lost all desire for coffee and alcohol. Why must those that we love most be the ones to hurt us so. Again, all I do is give my experience and as I said I have got little from things others have had strong responses to so there is no guarantee either the cleanse or the massage would do anything for you. These things are out there though, sometimes it may just be worth giving them a shot, the ol’ fuck it moment.

Salt Water Cleanse

You were warned earlier in the week that this day would come, and just like we’re seeing what’s happening in Australia when warnings are ignored, I’m about to write an intimate piece on my bowels. You may remember that I said my first attempt at making my own beer had failed and how it had forced me to become well acquainted with any nearby toilet I could find, well this went on until arguably Thursday. Yesterday my guts still seemed to be arguing with each other and because it had been a while today seemed like a good day for a clean.

There are various articles online describing more or less the same approach to a salt water cleanse. I learnt how to do it at a Rainbow Gathering in the Tasmanian bush about eight years ago and then discovered it again when doing a yoga course in India. I had a few years before this tried colonic hydrotherapy so lets say I’ve always been a fan. When I arrived in Australia I came from Burma and at some point in my month there I had eaten something which only upset my stomach for a couple of days but gave me the most horrendous smelly farts. A friend described it as if I was just oozing rot and decay with each puff. When I heard of the shitting / salt water cleanse workshop I was all in. Let’s just say I saw things that day that’ll never leave me, scars imprinted in the recesses of memory. A boy became a man.

It’s quite a simple procedure actually. It is important to do this on an empty stomach, so a light meal the night before and perform the cleanse prior to breakfast. Boil two litres of water, dissolve 2-3 teaspoons of mineral salt per litre – very important here not to use ordinary table salt as minerals in proper salt are important – and let it cool so it is warm but comfortable to drink. You drink half a litre and then do a series of five different yoga asanas dynamically, in repetitions of eight per asana, to help the water move through the body. These asanas are; Tadasana, Tiryaka Tadasana, Kati Chakrasana, Tiryaka Bhujangasana and Udarakarshanasana, I haven’t put them as links because I’m lazy and you’re capable of pressing copy and paste into an internet search engine. You then drink another half litre and repeat until you feel it impossible to hold in. Usually for me that is a litre and a half, but first couple of times was two litres. Even once you have released the trap door that first time I would still recommend you continuing to work through the asanas to help flush anything else out. Whatever stays inside of you will just be urinated out and I’m sure it’ll do the urethra no harm getting a little cleanse too.

I’m not suggesting for a second I’m a doctor and there are all sorts of articles online making all kinds of claims regarding health and mental improvement. I make no comment on them either way as I only know what I have experienced which is that when required it does seem to have completely flushed out whatever was inside my gut doing all the damage. In the early days too I did notice that it was a good indicator of foods which maybe didn’t suit me, such as dairy products which I immediately felt a little sick from and interestingly alcohol which I lost all desire for. I have ignored both those messages from my body clearly but it was interesting to see and maybe one day I’ll do something about them. The only thing I would say which could be a potential negative is that if it is flushing out the bad bacteria does that mean it is also flushing out the good bacteria, and that must be a genuine concern which I unfortunately don’t know the answer to. I have just started to read a book called Gut by Giulia Enders which seems really interesting, I am going to email her and see if she has any insight that she may like to share with me. It is also important to stress that for the rest of the day eating a very plain diet is important as the stomach has just gone through quite the workout. I have just enjoyed the most delicious soaked oats.