Chi Nei Tsang Me Baby

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I’m keen to give an update on how I feel after the cleanse I wrote about on Saturday. I’m wary of going on about how great these things are and how simply magical I feel because the mind is powerful and can convince us of many things, but mainly because I’ll sound like a wanker. Yesterday I didn’t feel a great difference in mood but today I have felt energised and like a weight has been lifted. It is one of those things that were someone else to read it, it wouldn’t really mean anything to them, and I can accept this because I would probably be the same. Like I said I’m wary of getting carried away but there is a distinct difference between today and this time last week or last month. I am sure you’re questioning how I can possibly give credit to a salt water cleanse for this but the gut is such a complex organ, our second brain some describe it. When it is not functioning at it’s peak then holistically speaking, we as one entity cannot either.

I back this up by an experience I had in Thailand years ago, actually just before that time I went to Burma and got the super farts. It was off the back of my travelling India and she had been a hard mistress. At one point I had spent three weeks really ill, everything passing through me and losing weight rapidly. I was down to sixty-five kilograms, or about ten stone depending where you’re reading this, and I’m six foot three or about one metre ninety. This was not a healthy look, I could see the ribs in my back. That three weeks took it’s toll on me mentally, for months afterwards I felt a heaviness to life. When I got to Bangkok, on the recommendation of a friend I tried an abdominal stomach massage called Chi New Tsang. When she had had it she said she just cried through the whole thing, I had no idea what I was letting myself in for. The premise of Chi New Tsang is that by massaging your internal organs in a particular way you release all the blocked negative emotions which have been stored within them. This idea of the body storing pain is one you can find in many eastern therapies and healing practises. I’m naturally a sceptic but I also want everything that could be good to be real. I will try most things and hopefully with an open mind, some therapies I’ve not got the same response others have from them, but this stomach massage was incredible. I never cried or anything like that but I walked out of there and especially the next day felt like a new person. I had spent the previous weeks hiding away in a dark corner but for the last week I was there I got involved with things and was happy again. I took a beating and I stored it all in my gut. This was the release.

For some bizarre reason the Chi New Tsang massage is not that easy to find in Thailand, everyone just wants beaten up by attractive young girls as they crack your body back into position. I found one practitioner in Edinburgh but she was on maternity leave when I tried to contact her, a few in London and none in Athens so finding anyone is not going to be straight forward. The point is this massage works on a similar principle to the cleanse, you’re not just purging the physical detritus from your guts but in actuality the mental waste too.

The next mission is to keep myself from storing this suffering. I’ll start by hopefully listening to what my second brain tells me about what I’m putting in it. Unfortunately I have noticed butter has been making me itch which is a shame because I love it, I haven’t touched milk or cream, and I have lost all desire for coffee and alcohol. Why must those that we love most be the ones to hurt us so. Again, all I do is give my experience and as I said I have got little from things others have had strong responses to so there is no guarantee either the cleanse or the massage would do anything for you. These things are out there though, sometimes it may just be worth giving them a shot, the ol’ fuck it moment.

Mental Strife

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“And woe behold, is todays mind but one bereft of even those most basic of ideas” said me now, not someone from an age past, only partly quotable in what the modern age has done to language. Basically I can’t really think of anything to write about…bereft of ideas as a wise man once said. Perhaps I should wait until later in the day when maybe the mind is more keen to do battle with the creative limits it’s own development has boxed it into. Exactly the reason for choosing this moment of struggle to put out a piece, the challenge of finding light in the darkness, the very creative representation of the Guru in translation. For do we not learn what is true in times of strife, when adversity forces us through the self-imposed limits of our ability to find solutions within ourself? The answers are forever within. Alone in life we embrace this struggle of discovery until we are left with nothing but the hollowed out carcass of illusionary past moments and past lives. The frame of conditions we believed were once the existence that held together the fragility of consciousness, of all that we could see and understand before our eyes now nothing but dust as it exposes itself in the light of truth. But what of truth in this great journey of understanding, for what if mine is yours and yours is mine, are not all universal the understandings we seek? Delving deeper into this morass of darkness and confusion that comes before the light, thrashing and screaming as we see only the untruth before our eyes in all it’s ugly vain glory. Until the moment of acceptance comes before our minds eye, will we forever miss the beauty in the darkness of our delusion. The acceptance that comes when we understand we can no longer blame this darkness for stopping us breathing, but our own inabilities to inhale the truth that now fills our lungs. In and out we breath, the oxygen of light that simply began with us pushing out from the shackles we accepted, that grew while we floundered but which now lay smashed upon the ground. The hammer of liberty breaking the bonds of ignorance held in place through such safe existence. Grown fat through illiterate teachings, shepherds of prosperity forcing us to regurgitate their own vomit. To discover the chains had no lock when all is too late and all is lost. For we learn it is easier to dig our own graves, stepping into the reassuring darkness. Better this murky existence than merely pushing ourselves in times of mental stupor.

Salt Water Cleanse

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You were warned earlier in the week that this day would come, and just like we’re seeing what’s happening in Australia when warnings are ignored, I’m about to write an intimate piece on my bowels. You may remember that I said my first attempt at making my own beer had failed and how it had forced me to become well acquainted with any nearby toilet I could find, well this went on until arguably Thursday. Yesterday my guts still seemed to be arguing with each other and because it had been a while today seemed like a good day for a clean.

There are various articles online describing more or less the same approach to a salt water cleanse. I learnt how to do it at a Rainbow Gathering in the Tasmanian bush about eight years ago and then discovered it again when doing a yoga course in India. I had a few years before this tried colonic hydrotherapy so lets say I’ve always been a fan. When I arrived in Australia I came from Burma and at some point in my month there I had eaten something which only upset my stomach for a couple of days but gave me the most horrendous smelly farts. A friend described it as if I was just oozing rot and decay with each puff. When I heard of the shitting / salt water cleanse workshop I was all in. Let’s just say I saw things that day that’ll never leave me, scars imprinted in the recesses of memory. A boy became a man.

It’s quite a simple procedure actually. It is important to do this on an empty stomach, so a light meal the night before and perform the cleanse prior to breakfast. Boil two litres of water, dissolve 2-3 teaspoons of mineral salt per litre – very important here not to use ordinary table salt as minerals in proper salt are important – and let it cool so it is warm but comfortable to drink. You drink half a litre and then do a series of five different yoga asanas dynamically, in repetitions of eight per asana, to help the water move through the body. These asanas are; Tadasana, Tiryaka Tadasana, Kati Chakrasana, Tiryaka Bhujangasana and Udarakarshanasana, I haven’t put them as links because I’m lazy and you’re capable of pressing copy and paste into an internet search engine. You then drink another half litre and repeat until you feel it impossible to hold in. Usually for me that is a litre and a half, but first couple of times was two litres. Even once you have released the trap door that first time I would still recommend you continuing to work through the asanas to help flush anything else out. Whatever stays inside of you will just be urinated out and I’m sure it’ll do the urethra no harm getting a little cleanse too.

I’m not suggesting for a second I’m a doctor and there are all sorts of articles online making all kinds of claims regarding health and mental improvement. I make no comment on them either way as I only know what I have experienced which is that when required it does seem to have completely flushed out whatever was inside my gut doing all the damage. In the early days too I did notice that it was a good indicator of foods which maybe didn’t suit me, such as dairy products which I immediately felt a little sick from and interestingly alcohol which I lost all desire for. I have ignored both those messages from my body clearly but it was interesting to see and maybe one day I’ll do something about them. The only thing I would say which could be a potential negative is that if it is flushing out the bad bacteria does that mean it is also flushing out the good bacteria, and that must be a genuine concern which I unfortunately don’t know the answer to. I have just started to read a book called Gut by Giulia Enders which seems really interesting, I am going to email her and see if she has any insight that she may like to share with me. It is also important to stress that for the rest of the day eating a very plain diet is important as the stomach has just gone through quite the workout. I have just enjoyed the most delicious soaked oats.

Think Quick Proud Man

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I had an interesting interaction today and it made me think about how we instinctively respond to people and how we then spend the next hour fantasising about how we would like to have responded to them. In truth it wasn’t even a big thing and I didn’t really dwell on it but it reminded me of times in the past I have. I will explain what happened. At work I had to go and pick up something from one place and take it to another because they had run out, I won’t bore you with those details. When I asked for them the woman in the shop asked “Why?”, I said “because they had run out of them”, she then asked whether there were none at all in the stores and I confirmed there were none at all, she went and got them as she had a lot to spare. Quite a nothing conversation but she didn’t need to ask why or quiz me on whether there were any in the stores, I wouldn’t have asked for some if they hadn’t run out which seems obvious or if there were any in the stores, and her why was not necessarily friendly inquisitive but not overly rude either. I responded in my usually unthreatening way and I left with what I was after.

Afterwards however the mind takes over. It starts to point out that I didn’t need to explain myself or why I was after what I was after, and I wished then that I had said this to her. I then thought about people I know who would have responded in that manner and envied them, wondering what it was that made them capable of doing that and not me. Are people just quick thinking, are they permanently on the defensive, are they permanently on the attack, are they just prepared from past fantasies of their own. In the moment I didn’t even notice anything, it was just a normal interaction. I don’t go into situations defensively or aggressively and while I may fantasise and wish I pulled people up more often when they’re being rude, in the moment these things happen I rarely give an actual shit. I’ve heard it said that the ego takes over afterwards, that the true self is the person who responds in the moment. Maybe there’s some truth in that as it’s only ever my pride which whines and fantasises after events, it rarely exists in these moments as they happen. Or maybe it does and I’m just caught off guard. I’m evidently not an instinctive fighter always on alert though, and I don’t know if I want to be in truth. Anyway, enough of this, if I carry on about it too much I may just convince myself I am bothered and really what’s the point in that.

This Blog

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One thing I have noticed about this blog is that since I started publishing it and not continued keeping it a secret thing like the first month, I have stopped writing about the blog itself. The pieces now seem to be about topics; such as resolutions, Dublin, something political, and other things I can’t remember but certainly in the early days I was happy to write about how this beast itself was developing. Initially the point of the blog was to do an experiment and see whether I could write about something every day. So far I have managed that and it is something that the majority of the time doesn’t take up a disproportionate amount of effort. The articles are not necessarily of the highest calibre, or what I would like them to be, I suspect if I took longer or didn’t put a piece out daily, I could take more time and effort researching and forming something. Instead as is clear I seem to start with an idea and just go from there, which I also really enjoy as a format. I’ve mentioned before about the discipline to sit down each day and the mental discipline to put in effort to write something decent are separate things. Since publishing certainly the awareness of others reading has had an effect on this, but I think I am pushing myself slightly more; fully aware I could go further, which will evolve as time goes on.

What will also evolve though, and has as I said, is what I write about. As I mentioned already I’m not really putting out fluff pieces – although it could be argued this is one – even though it’s a perfectly legitimate topic it feels slightly self-indulgent. I see other blogs and they seem to be on particular issue, like travel, food, mindfulness or politics and I seem to drift into each of those areas when I feel like it. To attract people to this blog it would be good perhaps to focus on a particular area and subject to write about. However I’m not going to as I think that while it will evolve organically, the point is to see if I can write each day about something over writing about something each day, and there is a difference. Equally if it is an experiment to simply write, we corrupt ourselves the moment we worry more about numbers than the actual thing we’re doing. It may evolve organically in a certain direction which would be great and if after one year I am still writing and writing about a particular subject then the goal would be complete with a bonus thrown in.

So this blog is going to continue to be random and off the cuff. I would like it to improve, in the meantime though I’m happy; nothing is ever perfect so it is great that I can see improvement is necessary and hopefully make the effort to find it. It is even greater that I’m still here after what is probably about two months now and not got distracted and sacked it off.

Self-congratulatory piece…tick.

Well done me…prick.

Resolutions Update 2.0

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Part of my resolutions are about to begin. My friend owns some exercise equipment and I’m going to use some ski machine thing I think, or at least something which he says is going to probably make me sick from the twenty minutes of effort I have promised him. The reason sick is actually a good thing for once is that as a result of my attempts at beer making I have not been too far from the toilet these last few days. If this continues I may be writing a piece soon detailing a salt water cleanse, or at least the benefits of it, over the intimate details of the procedure. My friend also drank the beers on Saturday but was sick on Sunday and seemingly felt better after. I unfortunately trained myself when younger not to be sick which can be good when drinking and smoking excessively but along closing the heart chakra apparently, which is perhaps a story for another time, it does mean that my body doesn’t necessarily expel poisons by vomiting in times it should. This attempt at doing some crazy amount of exercise when already feeling a bit weak and ill is completely the most ridiculously illogical approach and reminiscent of tv series from my youth like Jackass or Dirty Sanchez. I am though willing to give it a shot because while I doubt it’ll actually make my sick, I know it is at least an opportunity at making a start on my resolutions and I’ve passed up on far too many chances already. I am though losing weight by being ill so at least the belly is slightly shrinking. Does that mean I am inadvertently sticking to my resolutions? Only in the most perverse of ways. I also accept fully that nothing I say in any articles after this one can be taken with any seriousness and I may have completely destroyed any sense of credibility I have had the good fortune to acquire these last two months. But fuck it, here goes nothing….

…If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs is a line from a poem by Wilfred Owen about the folly of patriotic war and death, this line about the effects of chlorine gas during the First World War. It feels comparable to what I can taste in my mouth now. That old familiar taste of iron. The stabbing sensation in the ears and the throbbing of the head. My legs feel like jelly and either I’ve got cramp or I’ve hurt my hamstring but I completed twenty whole minutes of surprisingly gruelling exercise skiing, running with some bag on my back, lifting some heavy ball repeatedly and doing push ups. I didn’t vomit, I knew I never would despite the silliness of the first paragraph. I should be proud of myself apparently. I’ll let you know tomorrow if I manage to scrape myself off the floor.

Meat-Free Alternative Meat

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I have just read an article about ‘alternative meat’ products and my plan when I read the title was to have a little rant about them because I take issue with vegan sausages and vegan burgers, or anything that originally was a meat dish but has had the meat substituted for something else. It may be important to stress I have in the past spent eighteen months as a vegetarian and four as a vegan, both of which ended because of foreign delicacies, so this isn’t a rampant meat loving piece. I must also stress though that despite that and certain moral understandings, there is some hypocrisy within me as I do enjoy and eat meat despite a desire to eat less over all. My issues are two pronged, firstly the vegans and vegetarian diets when done properly should be healthier than one involving meat. That does feel like a slightly general and ambiguous statement but I don’t have space to go into detail, it’s a take my word for it moment. Things such as vegan sausages are not the healthy option, they are often high in salt and artificial flavourings, and arguably akin to the filler used to bulk out a cheap meat sausage. It is just junk food but at least junk food admits it’s junk food. Secondly vegan food, especially as there is no cheese or eggs involved, can be so creative and there are so many tasty dishes out there. We eat vegan sausage, burger, lasagne, cheese and when it is shit, partly because it just is and partly because our minds compare it to the real thing, we wonder why people who don’t know vegan food complain about not being able to eat anything, or about how shit vegan food is, or about not being able to get protein from anything. Why copy the meat versions because they will never be the meat versions and struggle to be anything in their own right, when there are so many incredible and easy dishes out there. If people just knew this more may actually become vegan or at least cut down on the consumption of animal products. Persisting with vegan sausages just misses the point.

However, I did say my plan was to rant as if I then wasn’t going to, and judging by the size of that paragraph I failed, but the article made me think I was being slightly absolutist in my beliefs. This food company Impossible Foods did appear to actually create dishes, albeit burgers, meat balls et al, which were tasty. The woman writing it did suggest the strong sauce made it unclear the exact taste of the plant based version but it did seem to be a step. Which makes me think that if someone can do it well, and actually make really decent, healthy, cheap, meat-free alternatives to dishes meat eaters love they may actually cut down the consumption of meat produced and animals killed which can only be a good thing. Of course I’m sure there are some environmental arguments for the dangers of creating huge mono crops of whatever the meat alternative is made from were these things to really become popular, but it can’t surely be anything near the production of soy or consumption of fresh water used to raise cattle, pigs or other such creatures. It is the right direction then, or a small part of the collective right direction perhaps would be better.

Resolutions Update

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Why do something tomorrow if we can do it today said absolutely nobody ever without a big chunk of delusion and faux wisdom running through their minds. How’s everyones New Years resolutions going then? Did everyone put off all the healthy good things they were going to do, binging on all the bad stuff until New Years day, wake up feeling like shit before deciding they’ll start on the second of January and then realising the weekend was coming up and they would definitely get onto it first thing on Monday morning? Who actually got onto it first thing this morning, or did everyone decide that today was the slip up cheat day and that one hundred percent they’ll definitely be up an hour early tomorrow morning to go for that run? Who actually thinks they will? Sounds all a little familiar does it? Don’t worry we’re all in this together.

Intentions are nothing without discipline. Seemingly we live in a world bereft of the latter. I accept I am full of wild assumptions and that not everybody has failed miserably with their new solutions to finding happiness and health. I also know there’s a healthy dose of sceptical realism bouncing around in this exhausted lethargic mind of mine and without a doubt over half the people who made resolutions have already given up, they may not have realised they have but they have. I’m not saying they won’t pick them up again, or for the first time, and really crack on with turning their lives around, not all is lost of course. I know I’ve not given up hope, perhaps it’s merely delusional, but I still believe I can make it.

One of the most beautiful things about humans is that we’re fallible. We love putting ourselves on some magical pedestal and then just as quickly crash down to earth when we decide a day on the sofa is a much better idea than a day of effort. Fallibility in ourselves and others can be frustrating but when we consider we have conscious thought and are aware of our own actions yet still continue to mess up and do the wrong thing, well it’s a joy to behold. Perhaps it’s a little too much of that yin yang beer but what a dull and unbalanced world we would have were we not capable of failure. Of course failure may just be redefined as the median shifts but we do seem to have a rather quant approach to that balance right now. I also don’t know any other, but that also means I do know any worse either. That’s a small bonus to redress the balance.

The Yin Yang Brewery

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The beer didn’t brew properly. It is unclear at which point it went wrong but certainly it didn’t carbonate although I doubt that was all. In two bottles I used honey instead of the sugar they provided and they nearly exploded when I opened them, although they still tasted like shit. It is possible that the beer wasn’t kept warm enough, the instructions that came with it suggested keeping it at 18-20 degrees but I found things online suggesting 20-22 degrees so that may have been an issue. I also didn’t properly use the little oxygen / carbon dioxide thing, which has a proper name that I can’t remember, but which you put in the little hole at the top of the fermenting barrel. There were no instructions on it with the brewing kit as a whole so I just put it in place but discovered halfway through the brewing process that it was supposed to have either distilled water or some spirit to help filter the air going in and out. I put whisky in it but it may have been too late. I did notice on about day two that something had happened with the fermentation process and it seemed like it had risen pretty high so maybe that thing without liquid was an issue. Saying that it did ferment I think because the barrel was full of yeasty dough like gunk at the bottom so something happened.

Clearly then it could have been many things but what I am left with now is this sickly liquid, not thick like syrup but it seems as if it would like to become so. The two bottles which I used honey as the sugar are now gone, one partly over the wall, sink and table top as I opened it and the rest in my belly. There was one bottle which seemed to carbonate slightly using the sugar they gave, that is also now drunk as is one of the sickly sugary bottles that didn’t work. I suspect then that the rest will be going straight down the drain which is a terrible shame but the inevitable conclusion to a failed attempt.

Is this the end of my beer making career, most likely not but that will probably be down to whether I view it as an obstacle in the road or an experience to learn more, which would ultimately make it a success. That then would be the lesson we could learn from every situation that doesn’t work out as we had initially thought and hoped it would. These moments are not failures, but opportunities, now you know more about what you are trying to achieve and yourself in the the process. What a wonderful opportunity failure is, why do we not see it for the balancing yin and yang that it is and as some bad negative thing. It will only ever be how we view it and that is the one thing we at least have control over.

Trumps Misery

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I was thinking a little more about what I said yesterday about why people act in ways seemingly detrimental to others, such as assassinating a leader despite the inevitable risks of what will follow. I mentioned Donald Trump and how he just wants to be happy and I will elaborate on that further. It is also worth mentioning the two big events coming up in American politics which could explain why such aggressive and dangerous actions in search of happiness were undertaken.

Firstly there is nothing quite like a war to give someone a boost in the polls ahead of an election. Trump himself warned Barack Obama was going to attack Iran just prior to the elections in 2012 so as to boost his chances of re-election. It’s a time honoured tradition by leaders and it appears Trump has simply fulfilled his own premonition with the 2020 election coming up. Secondly there is the small issue of him being impeached. While invading a foreign country, going to war or just making the move they did will not make impeachment proceedings go away, they will certainly draw some of the attention away from them. Theres the old adage of look for what they’re not reporting and it’s very easy to hide some bad news with something exciting, triumphant and reportable, it certainly takes the heat away from his current ordeal at home.

None of that takes away from my statement that he just wants to be happy because both of these incidents if played out as he would desire should give greater opportunity for some element of happiness in his life. However it is never as simple as that and it’s now that we try to find a way to describe that approach to life while avoiding using words like wrong or unacceptable, as ultimately that is my version of morality and a discussion on some kind of universal morality is probably best saved for another time. Such behaviour though is certainly selfish, self-serving and uncaring. If somebody acts in a way which is uncaring and destructive then it is not far fetched to suggest they are born out of anger and unhappiness. Trump may just want to be happy, which is looking compassionately at his actions, but if it is the negative emotions inside of him driving his actions then it will only lead to further negative emotions for himself and others no matter how much happiness and gold he believes lie in wait. Actions like yesterdays assassination are nothing more than another moment in the perpetual cycle of misery for people like this. While that may be his trip, the problem as is clearly evident, is that when someone on such a bad trip holds such power, it is impossible for us not to be dragged into it and into his reality. Unless we can separate ourselves, difficult though it is, our search for happiness will involve nothing other than being dragged into a world of fear, paranoia, misery and pain, because make no doubt about it; that fat cunt has it all.