Change

Its amazing how everything changes once you know people are reading what you’re writing. In a dream world I could say I am still writing this for myself but in this flawed one I know for sure I’m not. I can only imagine there are countless psychological studies out their explaining how and why we respond as we do when people like a post or like the blog. For the last month I have been unsure of what to write on more than a handful of occasions but now I know others might read it, I all of a sudden have an added awareness of whether what I write will be enjoyed by and create return readers. Gone are the free and wild days of my youth, my formative thirty-one days of reckless experimenting. For now I am a responsible, thoughtful and mature adult of a writer who will wow you with his intellect and insight as he goes in search of those endorphin releasing likes.

Been smashing stuff today. Yeah get some!! An internal wooden structure of four rooms taking up about a third of a warehouse. Spent the last few days carefully removing panels and now we got to the good bit when we try and collapse the whole thing. Turns out trying to knock out the supporting beams from the inside really is not the way forward. Is this a learning curve or just something we should instinctively know? Surely their must be some kind of animalistic survival instinct which makes us take stock and not do what we know to be a bad idea but then you hear about so many people who have just done stupid things it really makes you wonder. Perhaps it’s a way of nature weaning out the idiots, or simply one of the reasons humans have managed to successfully evolve over the years, our ability to observe and learn.

Anyway isn’t it typical that the very first piece in this new era of self-conscious writing comes after I’ve been whacking things hard for the last eight hours and am feeling both mentally and physically fatigued. What I am really excited about witnessing in myself though is how much my approach to this has changed with the prospect of an actual audience. Life isn’t black or white so it isn’t either a good or bad thing but I’m just a little surprised about how aware of others I now am, and in that case how it may affect my writing going forward. I’m actually quite excited to see. But I’ll leave it at that for now and please please please press the like button, I seem unable to see any value in existence anymore if you don’t.